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Cajun Canine
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PostSubject: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:16 pm

One year. One hundred plus movies. Countless hours. Endless time.

These are all the movies I saw this year, I'll try and rank them too and give a brief summary of my thoughts and rate them. y;

I'll edit in more movies as I see them if I need to because the year isn't over. Big movies like Tintin, Dragon Tattoo and War Horse have yet to be released. o:

A for Amazeballs
B for
C for
D for DAMN THIS TO HELL
F for **** Your God

Worst to Best Rankings

Creature (F)
Zookeeper (F)
Shark Night 3D (D-)
Fright Night (A-)
Insidious (A)

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PostSubject: Re: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:35 am

I begin my recap with this little... thing....

I'll order things later after I'm caught up on all the movies I want to see this year.

I'm going to just talk about movies in any order and rank them in the first post. y;

These aren't actual review reviews or I'd write more and go way more in depth. Mostly recap and my general thoughts on the film.

"Creature"



Honestly. **** this movie. I REALLY REALLY hated this movie. Let's start with the poster. When I first saw this at the local Regal walking down the hall I was mesmerized by the pure awfulness of it all. Looks like a terrible photoshop some kid rubbed his quack my stingray bloo with and soaked in urine for a few days.

The movie has Sid Haig, I love the guy. He's been in some really cool horror movies, The Devil's Rejects for one, so he's no stranger to the genre. He's basically the only person toting any serious star power in this movie. He had nothing to do though.

When I won free tickets I was amused, a b movie about a killer crocodile man in the Louisana swamps. Sounded like a good way to waste my night with my dad. I have family down there anyways and alligators are always nasty little things. Could this movie be an entertaining slasher monster flick despite it's low budget? I'd never even seen the trailer. The advertising for this movie was practically non-existent.

Starts out... unique as I'll put it. Some pasty ***** skinnier than the jews that escaped the holocaust strips off her clothes on the bayou banks and I'm like "Tits!!! Yessss. Ooooh.. Some *** now." This R rated film isn't holding back on the nudity. Yay. I'm so tired of all these watered down teen horror films. It's always time for a good old fashioned horror movie with plentiful blood and guts.

Then the naked ***** does the unexpected and leaps into the murky gator infested water. My dad and I look at each other completely puzzled. Neither of us would ever do that. Is that woman out of her mind? It's quite obvious they're going to pull a Jaws sort of thing where she'll get attacked from some hidden hungry beastie. Anyways needless to say, she dies. Can't say I pitied her, she didn't even have a name and did something so completely unbelievably stupid I didn't care at all about her.

From there it goes even more off the beaten path to cinema hell. The basic plot has a group of pretty something friends running around together, getting lost and deciding to search for a local cryptid known as Lockjaw. Basically the dude came from an inbred family and his inbred bride was taken by a white gator. He then goes crazy, kills and eats the gator and became a gator man... I... don't understand either... Anyways of course they run into some creepy locals. Some we obviously know are just filler characters doomed to be Creature Food to fill in gaps in the screenplay.

The acting on everyone was godawful... Basically there was some confusnig plot twist where a hero was part of the inbred family related to lockjaw and now they all bring women down there to sacrifice to make their inbred family prosper... The crazy inbred family cult also worships the creature for some ****ing reason... I really don't.. Oh.. Uggh it was so mind-numbingly bad it desensitized me to it all. There wasn't even any good deaths. I mean it had some blood, but not as much as you'd expect for a killer gator man.

A lot of the script was so awfully bad it made me giggle and the audience was often LAUGHING HARD at it... Like when the inbred man was screaming for his lost pregnant love and covered in blood, the fact everyone was laughing at him not out of pity but the sheer sight of it is a testimony to the quality of this drivel.

This horror movie had no thrills at all and as a tribute to B-Movies sucked too. The B-Movies this is lovingly "inspired" by are way better than this.

The best killer gator movie out there is the 80's b movie "Alligator". Please just go watch that. It was way better than this shit. I even LIKED that one.

The ending to this movie made no sense at all either and was basically a big middle finger with unexplained twists popping up and certain characters escaping completely unavoidable deaths. NOTHING redeeming at all. One of the worst movies I've ever seen in a theater. You're a sucker if you pay for this crap.

How I Saw It: Free in Theaters
Grade: F for **** Your God

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PostSubject: Re: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:30 pm

"Shark Night 3D"



Honestly the fact it was coming from the director of "The Final Destination" isn't a good thing.. The guy's only good film is "Snakes on a Plane" and his FD was the only one I didn't have fun watching. Yet another hardcore horror film with a ***** watered down rating.

Basically a bunch of pretty-something college kids go down for a fun weekend at the lake. It's filled with sharks. People die. Enough said.

This movie failed to have any good gore or nudity. My expectations were not met at all. I knew this movie would be bad. But I honestly thought it'd be stupid crazy fun for an hour and a half... Sadly it was boring and everything was just lousy.

At one point a guy's arm is bitten off by a shark and then his friends immediately jump back into the water for a quick swim. NOBODY else would have died if these dumb***es would learn to stop just stay OUT of the frigging water once you learn it's been STOCKED with HUNDREDS OF MANEATING SHARKS.

I mean seriously, at another point the SAME idiot who got his arm bit off first JUMPS BLEEDING KNEE DEEP INTO THE LAKE to spear a hammerhead to death to recklessly avenge his lost love. I'm like, dude get your *** out of the water before that shark gets the munchies again, man. No way in hell are you escaping death twice as a supporting character. :\

Basically once the movie's final plot twist is revealed this movie shifts gears from killer shark movie to "Vacancy" with sharks. Unlike Vacancy, this movie had zero suspense or thrills. Even the villains are super obvious. As soon as we meet the creepy locals we INSTANTLY realize that THEY'RE CREEPY. They don't fit. They're the killers.

I'll give this movie praise for two things. It was shot well and looked pretty visually, and a few of the CG sharks looked really really good. A lot of them looked really really bad though. The other thing I liked was the adorable Labrador that reminded me of Vincent from Lost SURVIVED. For once the adorable dog did not die.

I liked when the dog fetched a harpoon for his human ally to use against a mako shark, that was probably the best part.

Even though Jaws only had a PG rating it was a hell of an adrenaline rush and a great movie. It even had more blood and guts than this movie did. Better suspense, characterization, plot, everything.

Even for my low expectations that this would be total shit, it was, it really really was... It wasn't fun at all. It was joyless, soulless and I never ever want to watch it again. I can't even recommend this as a time killer. I think I'd rather rewatch a Sci-Fi channel original movie then suffer through this again.

How I Saw It: Internet Smile
Rating: D- for DAMN THIS TO HELL

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PostSubject: Re: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:37 pm

"Zookeeper"


Welcome to [s]Jurassic Park[/s] [s]Hell [/s]the Zoo.
Guys, this movie was amazing. I never knew Kevin James was such a bankable lead. He's perfect at running, driving, and dropping into things for an hour and a half. He's also great at sitting on things and hilarity ensuing because you know he's fat and things struggle to carry his weight or break. I laughed my butt off each time he bashed his head into something.

I loved how they were smart enough to tap so much talent for this film and give them nothing to do so that Kevin James
gets more time to shine. I'm also glad they concretely established that his zookeeper was a lovable loser by making everyone else at the zoo angry people who hate their jobs, thus making him look better in comparison. I can totally feel for him as he runs around demanding
chicks to fetch him food at a party and pours his heart out to the jungle critters determined to help him get some.



I can get paid millions to fall on my $$$ for an hour and a half? No way!

Each animal also had their own moment to shine and stood out as really interesting individuals. I really liked that too. For example the little
monkey screams constantly about how his thumbs are awesome and how the zookeeper should fling poo at everyone. The gorilla also slow dances with a chick at T.G.I. Fridays and buys them dinner in a touching scene, he's just a big softie angry at the world for living life in a boring enclosure. The lion was a lovable pussycat who sleeps all day and argues with his wife, perhaps representing domestic disputes, adding a further deep meaning to the beauty of this film.

Whoever designed the action sequence where he zooms around on a tricycle for ten minutes as someone whips him in the $$$ with a little flag also deserves recognition for their contribution to the film industry, it was funny because he was big and fat and the tricycle wasn't his size.


Oh silly man-cub, it is time to teach you how to pee most triumphantly like a man.
The emotional resonance that echoed throughout the picture as he symbolically urinated on an innocent wolf in front of the girl who
secretly crushes on him also struck a particular chord with me.

The entire picture had this hypnotizing magnetic pull to it that had me daydreaming about Transformers. This makes the movie even more special because it was like watching two movies at once for the price of one! It held my attention so well that I could think about other movies while at the same time sit glued to my seat wide eyed and captivated by this powerful romantic comedy. This means more movie for my money!

Following animal courtship rituals leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
That chick he liked was hot, I totally see why he had the hots for her. She was hot, you know. It was entirely selfish of the man to pursue his happiness by doing what he does best, shoveling elephant crap and riding around on a golf cart. His hesitance to change who he was to please a woman had me fear he'd never kiss the girl. Screw the chick who always liked him for who he was, loved him and encouraged him to follow his dreams.

They need to cast Kevin James in more movies like this. If he gets overlooked for his award worthy performance in this film I'll
go mad. He really really went all out with this movie. Be sure to stay through the credits for animals singing along to More Than a Feeling by Boston through the magic of special effects.

How I Saw It: Snuck Into It At Theater
Grade: F for **** Your God
In Summary: Overly long and boring and despite Kevin James's immense likability as an actor, the film flounders about due to the extremely lousy screenplay and a complete lack of laughs.

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PostSubject: Re: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:58 pm

"Insidious"



I didn't watch the trailer before watching this. I saw the poster and was immediately intrigued. It's coming from the makers of two of the biggest horror franchises to emerge in the past ten years so it's coming from a nice pedigree of people who know what the hell they're doing in this genre.

It's got a great cast including Patrick Wilson. I liked the performances everyone gave. Every little twist in the story just got me more and more involved and I often felt paranoid and uncomfortable watching this in the dark with my family.

A family is troubled by a bunch of hauntings going around their house. Then a kid goes into a mysterious coma and it gets weirder from there. It starts off as a kind of slow-burn thriller and things progressively get more intense until the events in the film become a living nightmare to watch and keep you on the edge of your seat biting your nails.

This movie absolutely terrified me. Not many movies do that these days and it's certainly the best horror movie to come out in the last few years. I absolutely adored it. Every scare was genuine and honest. There weren't many cheap jump scares employed either.

You don't need a huge budget to make a good horror movie. (this was only like a million and a half maybe for it's budget) What you do need though are sympathetic people to care about doing everything you would do in their situation, check, a sharp script and direction, check, and great suspense and atmosphere. The way this film just grips you by the balls and keeps you immersed it just amazing. Easily one of my favorite movies of the year.

The seance scene with the psychic wearing a WWI era gas mask was just pure crazy fun. I really dug this flick. I'm definitely going to buy it someday. The suspense just gets under your skin and gives you chills. This film was crazy good.

How I Saw It: DVD Rental
Rating: A for Amazeballs

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PostSubject: Re: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Thu Dec 15, 2011 10:26 pm

"Fright Night"




Finally, a vampire movie with some bite in it. A lot of bite actually. Though this is a remake of one of my favorite horror movies, a movie that didn't need remaking at all, this film was actually handled really well with it's new modern take on it.

Basically a teen learns his new neighbor, Jerry, next door is a vampire and tries to stop him before everyone he loves is dead.

They cast this movie perfectly. Colin Farrell ruled in this movie, he owned his role and made it his *****. He carried this movie on his shoulders with the amazing performance he gave. He just went all out for it. The guy who played Peter Vincent was really good too.

The film was well directed and acted and the film had a great blend of bloody thrills and shocks and keeping the audience chuckling at the silly goofy one-liners the characters would spit out.

Chris Sarandon had an epic cameo in the film too. He played the vampire in the original Fright Night.

I was a bit disappointed they minimized the role of Evil Ed, but they changed his backstory and relationship with the main character enough to keep the story fresh. Same as the rest of the movie, it followed the main story of the original movie, but it switched stuff around a lot and it felt like I was watching a different take on the material.

Anyways, Fright Night 2011 was a funny thrilling take on a classic movie and I liked it just as much as the original. Fantastic movie.

How I Saw It: Free in Theaters
Rating: A- for Amazeballs

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PostSubject: Re: Cajun's 2011 Movie Recap Thread   Sat Dec 17, 2011 2:49 pm

"Puss in Boots"



Honestly, I'm a big fan of this character. He's a real scene-stealer in the last three Shrek movies.

This
was a lot better and more heartfelt than the last two Shrek movies that
were running on empty. Another thing I liked better was how it didn't
rely on dreadful pop culture jokes. Although I did laugh hard when
Humpty Dumpty pulled a fight club reference. The script was really
sharp and I honestly think I'd rank this movie way up there with the
great Shrek and Shrek 2.

I enjoyed the voice acting, everyone did
really well. Was pleased to see the Desperado/Once Upon a Time in
Mexico reunion of Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas. The new characters
in this movie felt like they belonged and didn't seem out of place. The
inclusion of Jack and Jill and the decision to make them a bunch of
crazy rednecks with some weird obsession with pigs did make me raise a
brow though.

The animation was gorgeously rendered and the 3D was
handled really well. Was a cute harmless way to spend the afternoon
and completely inoffensive. I'm having trouble deciding if I liked it
more than Rango as the best animated film of 2011. I've yet to see
Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn though so that could
affect it's placing.

How I Saw It: Free in Theaters 3D
Grade: A- for Amazeballs

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