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PostSubject: Zetraloids: The Fray   Mon Sep 20, 2010 6:49 am

Hey everyone. This is the 'remake' of the first zetra story. It's nothing like the other, be forwarned.

Prologue

Bly paused behind a mound of debris towering above his head. Another zetraloid stumbled over the top and crashed down beside him just in time before a massive flash of light lit up the entire sky in a blinding ray that shot out like spears of white all around the debris pile. Bly braced himself against a long sheet of rusty metal as the ground vibrated beneath his feet. Screams filled the night from every direction.

The light flash faded, only to be replaced by several smaller flashes. Bly leapt up, firing his VO-12 into the chaos blindly. Smoke. There was a thick haze of smoke and debris dust. How was anyone to fight successfully in such conditions?

“Get down!”

The order came too late as a screeching missile erupted on the planet’s surface. Bly felt his body jerk back. He slammed down hard on a jagged hunk of rebar that pierced through his arm with ease. Cringing, he tried to get up, but was bombarded by the following wreckage—chunks of metal, rock, and who knew what else.

Another flash lit up the battlefield, long enough for him to see the outline of the pile and retreating zetraloids pouring over the top. The screech of an incoming missile caught their attention, but none had time to react as it hit the ground and sent up a mushroom of orange and red. More screams cracked through the noise as the retreaters were stopped in their tracks. Plasma and dismembered zetraloids splattered out every direction like a mini explosion of their own.

A disconnected arm struck Bly in the face, blurring his vision for a moment. The screech of missiles, pound of heavy firepower, and earth rattling explosions, died away for a moment. When his vision refocused, he saw a wave of gray armored zetraloids marching towards him, outlined by explosions and smoke.

He gasped and jumped to his feet, only to be thrown back down. His arm! A piece of the wreckage had bent the rebar, trapping it. He tugged frantically, but it was no use, they were almost there. He flipped a switch strapped to the control panel on his chest and adjusted his broken transmitter’s transmitting amplifier as best he could with a shaky hand. He wiped a splatter of plasma from his visor and sighed.

Headquarters, this is Bly, mission failed, repeat, mission failed. There’s too many of them. He cast another glance at the gray army of identical zetraloids only mere feet away, marching in unison. He looked back to his arm, pierced and bleeding, before shaking his head and giving up on freeing it. No survivors, repeat, no survivors…

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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:25 pm

Ohhh boy Ten, this is pretty exciting. =P Been quite a while since the last time I have been introduced to a brand new story. =. Yes you say it is a remake, but then you say it is nothing like the other, so I'm sure it will be plenty new. xD

Starting with ACTION. Very Happy Yay! =. Blinding light, many screams. I'd be interested to see what kind of weapon would do that. xD Nice job with the firing into the chaos blindly, I was able to imagine that perfectly. =. Ohhh....rebar through the arm. =. Poor guy.

Wow. 0.0 What a devastating missile! Makes the zetras kinda...explode? Dang. Uh oh, incoming troops. 0.0 Trapped. Yes you told me about this but it is still quite exciting. Very Happy Oh wow, great describing of the situation. Shaky hand, wiping plasma, those sort of things really added to the fic. 0.0 Also, WOW. What a powerful closing sentence. Poor Bly, first zetra I've ever heard pronouncing they were dead. X_X That is sad. D=

A GREAT Prologue. Very Happy Really gets the reader excited for the rest of the fic. =. Another plus, was that it was quite sad. =. It sure had a big impact on my emotions. >_> xD Very memorable end too. Thank you very much for posting and great job. Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:14 pm

Yes its a remake in the sense of....it replaces a zetra story I had lol. XD

You'll get to learn more about their odd and violent weapons later on c: XDD Go go blind fighting =D Yes lol big forepower against zetras. spelled right though.
Very Happy Yay! Sounds like I got it across as I had wanted to.

Yeah =c Poor Bly I agree. I barely knew the guy D: Cuz ya know he's only been here and I felt bad XD I thought it might be better to cut it there then to say they killed him or whatever lol. Seemed more powerful to me C:

Hope you're looking forward to it! =D XD

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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Mon Sep 20, 2010 11:14 pm

Yay. xD Yes you got it across very well. Yeah I think it was a GREAT idea to cut it there. Wink

Oh I am looking forward to it. Very Happy



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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Tue Sep 21, 2010 1:32 pm

whoohoo! *is pleasedofied*

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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:50 pm

mega that was great best thing by far that ive read in a long time
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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:37 pm

ooooh =. thanks rosebuddy!

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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:50 am

Chapter One

Lines of zetraloids clustered around the center platform. News of the previous failure had reached the majority of headquarters by now.

“As many of you know, our last mission has failed...”

A tall zetraloid, head still raised proudly, paced back the opposite direction, his black uniform tails flapping in the wispy breeze. Two split helmet fins protruded from underneath his uniform cap, also black in color. A wide eye patch stretched over his right eye with three fairly recent scars crossing over his nose and off to one side. His uniform, clearly that of high rank, had several medals fastened to the front and gold stubs over his shoulders. This was none other than the president of The Zetraloid Federation, Zenzo.

“…although I am uncertain of how they have managed to do so.”

Many of the surrounding zetraloids dipped their heads at the news. It hadn’t been a small number sent out against the enemy, but plainly not enough. The entire force had been ravaged with very little fight.

“Regardless, life must go on.” His light silver eye scanned over the crowd a few times. “Blyck, where are you?”

The troops parted as an average height zetraloid made his way through. His base helmet color was a dazzling silver with a small, golden, winged insignia resting in the middle joint of his matte black helmet fins; a small oval-shaped, emerald-hued gem rested snuggly in the insignia. He wore a transparent, bright green visor over his otherwise plainly black pupiled eyes, and his uniform was an army green with gold trim down the center of the shirt, around the cuffs, the base of the neck collar and over the shoulders.

He stopped just in front of the platform, arm held stiff in a salute to his superior officer.

“At ease, soldier.” President Zenzo turned away and walked towards a small table they had brought out. Four other zetraloids stood behind it, hands clasped in front of themselves and indifferent expressions on their faces. “Come on up here and tell them what you know.”

“Yes sir.” The zetraloid, Blyck, answered as he quickly made his way up. He gazed out at all his fellow zetraloid soldiers. There was a strong mix of reactions, almost as plentiful as the variation of armor colors he was looking out upon. Anger, unease, sadness, indifference amongst many things, but the one thing they seemed to have in common the most was frustration.

Zenzo was pouring himself a cup of water from a black pitcher.

“Sir, shouldn’t we have discussed this first?” Blyck asked in a discreet whisper.

“Bah,” he waved his hand in dismissal as he approached the crowd again. “Troops, Blyck from the Intelligence division.” He motioned to the uneasy young officer as he stood back once more.

Blyck sighed before clasping his hands together and looking out at the crowd. Being the bearer of bad news was never an enjoyable experience. “They were overrun—horribly outnumbered and out weaponed.”

The Federation president glared and slammed down his foam cup, causing it to burst open, “Absurd! They had plenty of backup!”

Blyck cast an uncertain glance to the president again. The statement had clearly irritated him as he paced once more, shaking the water from his hand.

“The last message we received was from Bly at oh two hundred hours, informing us that the mission was a failure with no survivors.”

Several zetraloids shook their heads. Clearly they too found the news disturbing.

“Deserters!” Zenzo shouted, pausing to face the crowd.

All the zetraloid troops turned to look at their leader.

“If Bly were able to report that, who’s to say he didn’t lie? Deserters!” He once more began pacing, “They succumbed to the enemy! Fear of defeat led them to change their alliance.”

Many of the zetraloids looked to each other in confusion. Within moments discussion broke out. First as a whisper then rising to a loud argument.

Blyck straightened his sleeve cuff as he watched them. A frown crept upon his face as he turned to face the president. What was he thinking? Clearly this wasn’t the time to raise doubt in the minds of the entire base, was it?

“Sir, with all due respect, why would they desert? Our enemy is hostile, they wouldn’t take them in and besides, all those zetras had proven to be noble soldiers.”

“You can’t trust anyone.” President Zenzo whipped around, back to the table for another drink.

Blyck pursued, “But sir, Bly was my brother and head of Intell. He knew the odds. If he had been that much a coward, he wouldn’t have followed the order to go there.”

The president didn’t answer, only looked away.

“You sent out the most experienced soldiers we had—the ones who have been through many a fight. We just…didn’t send enough in.”

“And by ‘we’ you’d be accusing me.”

Blyck was silent for quite some time, drumming his fingers against the clipboard he had brought along, “Well, Intell did inform you, sir…”

“Intell was wrong.” President Zenzo growled.

Blyck tilted his head to the right side, “Sir?”

“I said Intell was wrong.” He looked over at Blyck out of the corner of his good eye.

“But— ”

“What do you think they need, Blyck? It’s for everyone’s good.” He lowered his voice even more, although unnecessary with all the arguments ravaging mere feet away. “They need a leader who is dependable. Besides, our top Intelligence officer is gone now. Whose reputation do you save?”

He didn’t give Blyck time to answer as he stood to address the mass once more, “Everyone!” A loud, high pitched screech emitted from two tall towers. The crowd all began covering their transmitters, or cringing. Even Blyck had to resort to such things. “As I was saying, we don’t know if they lost or deserted, but the fact remains, Intell gave us incorrect info that no doubt, jeopardized the mission. I do apologize for their incompetence; however, we have no time to waste on these matters that have already been done.”

All the zetraloids listened attentively. Their confusion was still evident, but they seemed to be accepting that it was due to Intelligence now. They had no way of knowing any different. They relied primarily upon the word of the higher authorities.

“Blyck, you have trained close beside your brother. I now promote you to head of the Intelligence division.”

Blyck had to glance over at him upon hearing this. A junior officer as head of Intelligence? That went against all set regulations, but the president nodded to confirm that he had heard correctly.

“We trust you will be able to return it to its proper function.”

Blyck merely nodded. His head was in too much a fog to process it all at once. The zetraloids below were cheering. Some anyway. Others merely stared on in reserved silence. He didn’t blame them, this was hardly good timing for such change.

“That wraps up this meeting. I’ll contact you later with further orders. Dismissed!”

President Zenzo came up behind Blyck, resting one hand on his shoulder as he leaned in closer, “It’s good for morale.” His voice was merely a whisper as he proceeded off the platform, waving to a few of the zetraloids as he made his way back towards his office.

Blyck made no notable change in expression, merely dusting off his shoulder. After the president had left, conversation started up near instantly.

“Intell must seriously suck if they put you in charge.”

Blyck blinked in surprise as he turned to find the speaker. He quickly narrowed it down to the red and black zetraloid standing just at the base of the platform. He was a young zetraloid, around sixteen. He was wearing a red vest which he kept open constantly, and a black shirt beneath that. His helmet fins were dull and rounded at the normal points, red in color with two red check marks on his black helmet base. His transmitters wrapped neatly around his head in a light shade of gray. The rest of his armor was primarily red and black with white hands and shoe trim. He also had red eyes, and a more bluish tinged gem above the downward V curve of his helmet. Medium brown hair jutted out around the lower base in small, jagged spikes.

“Ah yes, thank you for your words of support, Challenger; always appreciated.” Blyck nodded and smiled as he stepped down from the platform.

Challenger nodded his head. He may have only been a drafted recruit but that certainly had never stopped the fashion obsessed zetraloid from speaking up.

“You wouldn’t know what to do without me.”

“Too much time on my hands then I’d suppose.”

“Sure. Then you’d actually have to try finding a girlfriend.”

“Certainly can’t have that, can we now?” Blyck answered mildly.

It was fairly well known that he was so mild mannered that it often left him little respect even from the clearly defined lower ranks.

“Do you get any cool benefits?” Challenger persistently followed as he made his way through the crowd.

“If I do, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t concern you.”

Challenger scowled, “Probably boring anyway.”

Blyck stopped as he waited for a few zetraloids to walk by. Here at the Zetraloid Federation, an organization created for the very purpose of protecting mankind, things were always busy. It was odd really, that human, having eliminated the prior inhabitants, would seek protection from their replacement creation.

“Just don’t screw up and make everyone die. They’ll probably be mad—well if they aren’t all dead anyway.”

Blyck was jerked from his prior thoughts. Challenger, yes, he found him…odd. He knew his instructing officer found him flat out irritating. Well, most of the base did, actually. His twin brother, not so much, but him—

“Did you see that movie about the alien abductions the other night? Special effects were intense! Aliens sure were ugly. Hey, why do people think aliens are ugly? I mean we’re aliens right? And I think I look pretty darn good.” He paused for a moment before glaring, “Are you even listening?”

Blyck blinked before shaking his head, “Of course. Just have a lot on my mind. Anyway, you know humans; it’s just how they are.” He supposed he could’ve argued that zetraloids were only ‘alien’ to a certain extent, but hardly found it worthwhile.

“Humans are stupid.”

“Challenger.” Blyck frowned, “The Federation is designed for the very purpose of protecting the humans.”

“Oh come on, I can’t be the first to think that.”

“As true as that may be, I’m an officer and—”

“Ya gotta be a goody two shoes, don’t worry, I know.” Challenger flicked a small bit of paper into the air and caught it again.

Blyck didn’t comment. Doing so would only encourage him. Instead he carried on. Getting to the right department was certainly not a quick trip. Headquarters was huge after all, spanning many miles in all directions. Tall brick buildings, worn by age, lined entire sections in huge rows. Some had massive, covered, outer halls too, giving it an almost lost civilization look. They were usually packed with zetraloids.

Then there were of course, the officer only sections, huge and extensive escalators beneath covered corridors leading through a tangle of rooms and passage ways. They were always lit by bright lights that tinged the entire path in a deep yellow. The Federation grounds were nothing short of confusing. The buildings rose to extensive heights outside of which were a series of cage covered ladders leading up to every new floor in case of an emergency. Some had even described it as a vertical city complete with entire plazas. However, it was not merely tall vertically, but also extensively long horizontally. Blyck himself hadn’t visited every part of it, nor was he sure he ever wanted to.

He imagined it was common that a lot of the zetraloids had never even met each other. There simply wasn’t time too, nor close enough quarters. Everyone had a job of some sort around here...all the many thousands.

He glanced back; noticing Challenger was still following him. Recruits typically stayed with their commanding officer—at least the ones who listened decently.

“Isn’t Naraku going to wonder where you are?”

“Nah.” Challenger shrugged it off.

Blyck shook his head subtly and continued. The cement was cold and chilly on days like this. Not as bad as winter, but never the less, cold. It would’ve been nice had his destination been in one of these closer buildings. The enclosed escalator ports were heated to a comfortable temperature after all. Luxury; something that wasn’t nearly as common in such huge quantities. Not that it was a huge deal of course, he had spent many a day and night alike walking these long stretches of open dullness.

It wasn’t long before a familiar voice sounded over the megaphone speakers perched all around the buildings. It may have had an echoed ring to it, but it no doubt still had the no nonsense, unmistakably sharp and frigid tone of Naraku.

“Won’t care, huh?”

“Eh…I guess he does.”


Blyck nodded. He had presumed as much. It was fine though, he needed to get refocused before he reached the Intelligence department anyway. Once again, he would get to be the bearer of bad news.

“Hey, Blyck.”

Blyck glanced back at Challenger with a quizzical expression.

“I bet you’ll do great.” The voice was now yelling, “I better go, see ya.”




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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:07 am

Gosh I reread part of the prologue just to get the feel for this again, and I was wowed once again. xD Waves of emotion from the prologue returned so good job. =.

Zenzo. =. I get to see him in action. First impression, indifference. I've only seen him say but a few words. =) xD Anyway yes, a failure the mission was. =( So...is Zenzo saying he's nt sure how they failed? Because that's sort of how I interpreted it but it confuses me a little. =P

BLYCK! *insert sitcom cheering when a famouser person arrives in the scene* Alright Mr. Blyck, I see you know your manners....good. Alright now though, you're in the hotseat. 0.0 Give answers to keep your job, or be a good zetra with moral value? You choose. =. Even though I have no idea what he's going to say. xD WHISPERS. Oh well, leader's pet isn't TOO bad. Though you will lose all self respect and respect from others. Your job, or your dignity? GOSH why am I making it sound like Zenzo is super twisted or something?! xDD

OH THAT'S WHY. >=. You weren't on the battlefield Zenzo, so shut up. >=. Deserters? I see no ice cream or candy here Zenzo. >=. Okay he's annoying me. Being all pessimistic about Bly's intentions when in truth he is a war hero. =U Blyck should be leader. I've said it before and I'm saying it again. Okay well I just did, so....that was the 'again'. He's the only one with any sense or a brain...or sense. >_> Cept Challenger. =U He's cool too and should be his co leader. BIAS?! HOW DARE I BE ACCUSED OF SUCH.

Zenzo: You can't trust anyone. >=(
Blyck: =| You're right. *shoots Zenzo*
Zenzo: AUGHskfjdsbfsdb I'm dying help. ANYWAY see I TOLD you you couldn't trust anyone! D=
Blyck: What? I shot you to show you couldn't be trusted either you twit.
Phantom: Fun fun. =P
Zenzo: =.
Blyck: =.
Ahem. >_>

Zenzo stop being so stupid. >=. Gosh he's making me quite mad and he hasn't even beat up baby Domino yet. YES I know this is a different story. Wow, poor Blyck. xDD I'd hate understanding my roles better than my superior did. But....hey, pay raise anyone?

Only good for morale? What is that supposed to mean? He doesn't think Blyck is fit for the job? It's only temporary? Gosh. I applaud you on your knowledge and skill of implementing such situations dealing with morale so skillfully. =. Makes perfect sense and adds a lot to the story's...direction I would say. And it adds to the realism quite a bit as well. =)

CHALLENGER YAY. *sitcom applause* Words of encrouagement for the new intel leader FTW. Fashion obsessed. xD Ha ha ha conversation. xD Kind of witty aren't we guys? What if Naraku were reading this? D= Do you not want him to understand? BTW I know he's smart blah blah I wanted to poke fun at him. =)

Benefits dun include Challenger. =( xDD WRONG. Blyck's success will ultimately lead Challenger to his high position of ALMOST CADET. >=. xDD Such epic conversations. Challenger, what do you think about the thousands of years of intelligence, knowledge and sophistication the Federation has been building up?

Challenger: I'd flush it for a corn dog. >=.

I see.

Humans are stupid. xDD He is not the first to think that nope. But guess what? NOT THE LAST EITHER SO HA. Challenger with a paper trick like that, how can you not have a girlfriend yet? Wow you made the federation area seem massively huge and populated, which I'm sure was your intention. =O I always imagined it as a rather mediocre building surrounded by a wall. xDDD BUT OH WELL this works too. =)

I bet an enemy or a spy could get around in there rather easily then eh? If most haven't met each other? Unless they have some cool security setup Brad would be interested in hearing about. =) Challenger is not worried about punishment. xD Veng should hang out around him, learn some stuff.

Challenger: Whoa...you sit and stare at walls all day? At least I watch TV. I gotta show you to Naraku he'll never yell at me again....

Veng: ...I...AM MY OWN MONSTER. *cut*

Naraku called Challenger over the loudspeakers?! xDD =O Encouragement from Challenger? Wow that was...actually quite the touching moment. >_> Thanks to your established Challenger in my mind and his normal behaviors and what just went on...nice jooob. =. You did an excellent job with this chapter. 0.0 Will Flipside be dethroned? I think your skill of mastering your reader's emotions is getting even better. xD If that was even possible. I am constantly at awe about what I am reading and it's so engaging and I really feel for and with the characters and stuff. =U It's not a story, tis an experience. =)

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PostSubject: Re: Zetraloids: The Fray   Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:47 am

XDD Brad need prologue not enough reading materials,

Indifference. How brad greets all zetras.
Yes he doesn't know how they failed because clearly he sees no need to take any sort of blame because it wass CLEARLY well executed.

Oh yes >,> sitcom cheering. XDD Leader's ept XDD... ept? PET I say. Lololol Zenzo the epic twisty indeed. Maybe you heard Ten describing him
lol

He was, he was just invisible and invinsible. I kid BTW he wasn't there at all. Clearly that is a Deserrtest ...yes. XDD A dessert bearing person I mean. XDDD BIAS BRAD IS BIAS. Blyck as leader XDDDD "I promote you to my spot =U Have fun dude |D"

What an amusing conversation they had in brad version =D
Zenzo: *finds baby Domino and beats him up for brad* =U

Brad: I'd hate being smart D: I kid I kid >_>

Yes it is good for morale >=U .......of some anyway. XDD

Challenger does have much good advice Wink

almos cadet @_@ XDDD

HAHAHA XD flush it for a corn dog =D XDD

Clearly that papertrick should attract all the girls of the Federation......

*three appear* What? there's only three of you? .-.


Kidding.

yeah I never really made them out to be cool >_> then I decided to change up what they were like XPP
Well you do see how many of the Feds don't get along >_> yes a spy could easily get in there They're not particularly efficient. A lot of them only know eachother in their own division.

I'm sure they have some BORING people who have the job of investigating all this stuff =U *epic broad*
No Challenger isn't >_> He's Challenger.


CHALLENGER AND VENG XDDD WIN =D .......cept if they were in the same timeline Chal would be
16 years older than him at LEAST XD

Naraku too lazy to go find him >_> just yell at him with loudspeakers unindended for such purposes.

Brad is touched c:
Challenger's not a complete jerk ya know =U XD He's just..Challenger c:

Yaaay I'm glad I'm getting better at that. I've been focusing on it more, making characters deeper and what not not just thrown into random events t hat sounded cool like when I started out XD



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