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 The MB vs. The Nazis

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PostSubject: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:30 am

This is the story of the Megabuddies, an elite military force under the command of Mega10, and their fight against the Nazi fores of a resurrected Adolf Hitler.

Yeah, first fic. I have no idea if it's even half-decent. Most likely, it will crash and burn like any other creative idea I've ever tried to come up with. I was gonna do humor here, but humor's not my strong point, so it'll probably become a serious fic with some humor thrown in.
So yeah...

The MBs vs. Adolf Hitler:

Featuring:
Mega10 as Mega10, the Megabuddies' commander in chief.

Cajun as Cajun, ballistics expert

Gbleek asGbleek, standard MB grunt.

HairyBulborb as Nathan, MB's medic

Belbell/Emery/Queen of Spades/Whatever as Belbell, professional sniper

Shadow/Curtis as Shadow/Curtis, standard grunt

Simian as Simian, a person.

Soma as Soma, a person who's kind of just there. Also spy person.

Geo as Geo, MB vehicular expert or something

Zeldafan as ZF/Zeldafan, Tactician who does not actually do much... tactician stuff.

Suri as Suri, as an angry Asian girl.

Cyclone as Cyclone, now used with permission. :dance:

BradHummr asBrad, lord of the werepires!

Laclipsey as Laclipsey, a doctor/pilot thing.

Tom as Tom, the MB's legal advisor. That is to say, he's just someone sitting in the background acting as cannon fodder.

T_L as your deity.

I'll just add to that if anyone else jumps into the story. <_<

Anyway...

Chapter 1: Resurrection and First Combat


Berlin, Germany.
October 3, 2012


"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" came a loud, menacing, and corny laugh from a man in a lab coat. He picked up a jar, and emptied its contents into a vat of some sort of green gel. The substance turned from green to white. He picked up a second jar, and the contents of this one were much more... disturbing. Suspended in the jar, amidst a clear liquid, was the head of Adolph Hitler. He placed the head in the white gel, and went off to a different part of his lab, where what appeared to be a giant fighting robot was placed, with one part missing: the head.

He removed Hitler's disembodied head from the gel and placed it where a normal robot head should have been, and almost immediately, Hitler's eyes opened as he was revived. He looked around, taking in his surroundings, clenching his new metallic fist, testing his new body. He looked at his reviver and smiled.

"This... is.... badass.

---
A small unnamed German village
December 21, 2012


"Would you hurry up?!" shouted Cajun over his shoulder, as he hefted a grenade over the sandbags towards the forces of Hitler, followed by a stinger missile.

"I'm trying!" yelled his partner, Gbleek, hefting a large chain gun. "This thing is freakin' heavy!"

As he spoke, a hail of bullets bombarded the area, forcing Cajun to duck behind a conveniently placed stone wall while Gbleek ducked back behind the nearby sandbags.

"Why the hell did you bring a gun you can barely lift?" shouted an enraged Cajun. "Are you compensating for something?!"

Gbleek said nothing, leading Cajun to snicker despite the dire situation.

"You are!" he shouted. "You totally are compensating for something!"

"SHUT UP!" came a naturally angry response.

"NEVER!" replied Cajun, dashing away, but not before sending a stinger at an oncoming tank.
---

Belbell watched the action through the scope of her rifle, perched in a bell tower about half a mile from Gbleek and Cajun. Two German shoulders were next to each other in a perfect straight line. She smirked. Perfect.

She pulled the trigger, taking both troops out with one shot. She lined up another shot, this poised to take out a series of soldiers. She was ready. She was right on the verge of pulling the trigger when....

"BELBELL! HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" screeched Nathan over the walkie-talky.

Belbell sighed. "What's wrong this time, Nathan?" Something like this happened every time.

"THE NAZI OTTERS ARE TRYING TO EAT ME!"

"Hitler does not use otters in his army, Nathan," replied Belbell calmly. "I'm fairly certain otters are not native to Germany."

"JUST HELP ME!"

"Fine, where are you?" asked Belbell with a sigh.

"Erm.... Uh.... Well...."

"You're lost." It wasn't a question.

"No."

"Yes, you are."

"...Yes..."

"Damn it, woman!"

---

Meanwhile, at the MB Headquarters, Mega, Shadow, Soma, and Simian were gathered around a cardboard box. Mega was saying something, which was probably important, but Shadow was the only one listening. Soma and Simian were currently engaged in a staring contest, because they were bored.

"And so, that's how I killed the man who was covered in beavers," finished Mega. Shadow clapped. The other two still weren't paying attention.

"Are you two listening?" asked Mega, turning to Simian and Soma.

"Yeah, yeah, something about Gbleek sucking," said Simian, still focused.

---

"Why do I have this sudden urge to hurt Simian?" wondered Gbleek out loud. Cajun merely shrugged, and the two continued running towards Belbell.

---

"Close enough," said Mega. "Anyway, you guys have to go help Cajun and Gbleek. So yeah. Bye."

And with that, she activated the trapdoors that caused Shadow, Simian, and Soma to fall into the MB jet hangar located below. They boarded the jet, and were on their way. As the jet flew over Cajun and Gbleek's general location, the cockpit doors opened, and Geo stepped out.

"Hi, guys!" he said. He opened the emergency exit. "Hope you have parachutes!"

The trio's eyes widened as they rushed to pull on the chutes and approached the exit. Shadow paused at the edge, looking own at the ground, which seemed miles away. Because it was.

"Would you hurry up and jump?" asked Geo. "You're not afraid of heights are you?"

"No," gulped Shadow. "It's the falling to the ground at terminal velocity part that I'm afraid--"

He was interrupted as Geo pushed him out of the plane.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgoddammitGeoAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed Shadow.

"Okay," said Geo. "Simian next!"

Simian warily stepped forward.

"Just count to three and jump, okay?" said Geo in a comforting voice.

"Okay," replied Simian. "I'm going... One. Two--"

He didn't reach three, as Geo shoved him out of the plane too.

"I HATE YOU, GEO!" yelled Simian as he fell.

"You enjoy doing that far too much for my comfort," remarked Soma.

Geo responded by kicking her out as well.

"NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION!" he roared to the ground.

End Chapter 1

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:34 am

Chapter 2: Werepires and Nukes

Meanwhile, in the woods outside the village

Nathan whimpered. He was alone. Oh, so alone. Also hungry. And tired. And his arms were sore from carrying what appeared to be a large cannon, smaller than Gbleek's gun, but larger than an average weapon. A patch depicting a red cross was sewn onto his sleeve. You see, Nathan was the Megabuddies' sole medic. And he used a medigun. A gun that shoots life

Yes. The technology of the future is that freakin' awesome.

Of course, a gun that only heals people is not very helpful when you are trying to escape Hitler's otter troops. Which, as it happened, were still following him.

"AUUUUUGH!" yelled poor Nathan several orange-furred animals, with red bands on their forelegs depicting the swastika, appeared and surround him. The animals (which would appear to be foxes, not otters, something which Nathan failed to realize) advanced slowly; Nathan had nowhere to run anyway. His back was against a tree, and the beasts were almost upon him.

"Oh, my God!" screeched Nathan. One of the foxes lunged and sank its teeth into his leg. Another attacked his arm, while a third savaged his other leg. Another bit into his shoulder, and he could see that the last was aiming for his throat. Tears came to his eyes as he screamed in pain. He closed his eyes, waiting for the killing strike to come. But it didn't. He opened one eye warily, and saw that the fifth fox had been pinned to the ground by what appeared to be a human. However, it differed from a normal person with it's feral, red eyes, thick brown fur, tail, and sharp claws. Its bared its teeth, revealing vampire-like fangs. Several similar creatures came and subdued the other foxes that had attacked Nathan. A real human, with no fur or fangs, stepped forward, and Nathan recognized him almost immediately. It was a person whom he had not seen in years.

"Brad!" he said. "What are you doing here?"

BradHummr, Mega's boyfriend of several years, stood before him with a smile.

"Mega called," he responded. "She said you went missing."

He picked up Nathan's medigun and shot at him. Almost immediately, the pain dulled to a light throbbing. The cuts vanished, though would most likely scar, and would be sore for a few days.

"Who are the furries?" asked Nathan, gesturing to the wolf people.

"Oh, they're the werepires." came a cheerful response, as one of the so-called ""werepires" growled.

"What the funny monkey excrement is a werepire?"

"Half-wolf, half-vampire," answered Brad. "Hitler's scientists created them when they mixed the DNA from werewolves and vampires. Mega had me rescue them last year. That's why I haven't contacted you in a while. The werepires aren't really fond of people. Except for me."

"That brings so many disturbing images to my mind."

"Shut up, you freaky pervert."

"Not that! I was just thinking... how do werepires survive in daylight? I mean, vampires die in sunlight and werewolves are only feral on nights with the full moon, right?"

"..." Brad paused to think. "I... don't... know...... Y'know what, screw it, let's just ignore all the logical problems here and move on."

"Works for me."
---

Meanwhile, Cajun and Gbleek were dashing through the village, Gbleek having discarded his impossibly large gun and switched to a standard pistol. Cajun had not stopped heckling him for compensating for something the whole time. Nazi forces were following them, shooting at the two all the while. So far, they had been lucky. Gbleek shot at the Nazis as they rounded a corner. They spotted Belbell's sniper perch/bell tower directly ahead.

Belbell noticed them too, and helped them out by sniping a few of the Nazis.

"DIE!" she screeched the sound of her rifle firing punctuating each scream. A soldier at the front of the group of Germans fell to her rifle, and the troop behind him tripped over him, which led to the man behind him also tripping, eventually leading to a 30-man pileup.

"Awesome," muttered Cajun with a smirk. He threw a grenade onto the pile, and watched as the Nazis were blown to pieces. Gbleek and Cajun proceeded to enter Belbell's tower and climb up to meet her.

"Hello, boys," she said as they arrived, looking through her scope to see if any more soldiers were coming. "Looks like about a dozen or so soldiers are on their way."

Indeed, several men in German uniforms were already within five hundred yards of the tower. Gbleek and Cajun looked as well, and made sure they were ready to take them on, but as it turned out, they needn't have worried. Simian and Shadow had arrived with gatling guns, and had already gunned down five of the enemies. Belbell assisted them lightly by sniping one more, while Cajun threw a stick of dynamite to the ground, downing two soldiers who had not been fast or smart enough to run away from the explosive. Gbleek, who couldn't really do anything from here because he only had a pistol, sat down and felt very useless.

Down on the ground, one of the Nazis fell to the ground, his throat apparently slit. Soma materialized nearby, a bloody knife in her grasp.

"How did she do that?" asked Cajun.

"Oh, didn't you know Mega gave her some weird camouflage thing yesterday?"

"I want camo," whined Gbleek.

"Sucks to be you, then," mocked Cajun.

"Shut up, idiots," said Belbell. Soon, Simian, Soma, and Shadow (yay alliteration) climbed up to meet them. Suddenly, Gbleek walked over to Simian and pistol-whipped him across the face.

"That's for last chapter, b****!" he yelled.

---

Meanwhile, at the MB Headquarters, tactician Zeldafan and his commanding officer Mega were playing Connect Four. And were increasingly bored.

"This game is for seven year olds," commented ZF.

"I don't care," replied Mega.

"Hey, did you remember to tell Cajun and the others that Hitler's preparing to nuke their location?"

"Nah."

"What? Why not?"

"Well, I didn't want to worry them! Duh."

---

Meanwhile, en route to the unnamed German village was a large bipedal robot. It appeared to be heavily armed, with several guns, a missile launcher, and a large railgun. Inside this robot, two men, one wearing a cyborg exoskeleton suit thing, and the other dressed in standard military gear.

"Y'know, as powerful as this thing is," said the man in the exoskeleton, "couldn't it be destroyed by one soldier on foot with a few stingers and some chaff grenades?"

"..."

"Well?"

"Shut up."

End Chapter 2

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:40 am

Chapter 3: Metal Gearing

The robot was within a mile or two of the village now. Of course, by now, the MBs weren't really paying attention, since they figured they were safe now that they had routed the Nazi soldiers. Inside the robot, the two men were still talking.

"Let's make this quick," said the man in the cyborg suit, putting on a trench coat and pocketing what appeared to be the hilt of a sword, minus the blade. "We nuke the place and get out fast."

"Oh, come on," complained his friend in the military getup. "We have a twenty-five foot tall nuclear deathtank! We might as well have some fun!"

"Sorry, General, but our orders were clear. Exterminate the rebel scum."

"Pwetty pwease?" asked the General in a childish voice.

"...I have a laser sword and a gun, and I will not hesitate to castrate you."

"..."

"On the other hand, that probably wouldn't make much difference to you, seeing as you apparently have yet to reach puberty. Late bloomer?"

"Screw you."

---

Gbleek was the first to notice the approaching robot.

"Oh, sugar honey iced tea!" he exclaimed.

"Sugar honey iced tea?" queried Cajun, raising an eyebrow. Gbleek's only answer was to point towards the horizon, prompting the other MBs to follow his gaze. Naturally, their subsequent reactions ranged from yawning (Simian) to professing their love for Mega for the thousandth time (Shadow) to fullblown panic attack involving hyperventilation and random cursing (Cajun and Gbleek).

"I think we should run as fast as we can," suggested Simian, whose cheek was bruised from his pistol-whipping at the hands of Gbleek.

"I think I can take it," said Cajun.

"You were screaming bloody murder when you saw it ten seconds ago," said Belbell dryly.

"Yeah, but I think I know how to beat it now. You guys can run if you want, but I'm staying here and fighting."

"Couldn't it blow this place up from long-range and never give you a chance to do anything?" asked Shadow.

"Don't ruin this for me, dammit!"

"But raining on your parade can be so fun!" responded Gbleek.

"You all suck."

This argument would most likely have gone on for a while longer, probably lasting until the robot decided to just blast them all to hell, but it was thankfully (or not) interrupted by the sound of a helicopter outside. They ran to the windows of the bell tower to see what was going on, and watched as chopper descended until it was level with them. Looking through the cockpit windows, they saw Geo.

"Hi, guys!" he greeted. "ZF told me to come get you before you got blown up or something."

"Awww... I wanted to fight the nuclear death machine!" whined Cajun.

"Shut up and get in the chopper," replied Geo. The group complied, albeit with some reluctance, and they began flying away. Looking down, they watched as the robot fired a missile at the village they had just left. The town was reduced to a smoldering nuclear crater.

"HOLY CRAP!" was, quite naturally, the general response. And then Cajun thought of something.

"Hey guys?" he began as they flew over the nearby forests. Everyone turned to him. "What happened to Nathan?"

---

Luckily, Nathan, Brad, and the werepires had been far enough away from the blast to have been completely and utterly destroyed in a blaze of nuclear fury. Instead, they were able to watch.

"What the bloody hell was that?" was the first thing that came from Brad's mouth. Nathan shrugged, while the werepires growled. And then Nathan realized something, just as Cajun had done several miles above.

"That was where the others were!" said Nathan, a note of panic entering his tone..

"Oh, crap! They were probably vaporized!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Nathan, sinking to his knees, and looking up at the sky. "Wait a minute, is that a helicopter up there?"

Brad looked up at the same place.

"Hey, that's the MB chopper!

---

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" came a voice from far below the chopper. The initial panic of apparently losing Nathan had subsided by now. They all looked down, trying to locate the source of the wailing. Belbell looked through her rifle scope, and gasped.

"It's Nathan!" she shrieked. "Go down!"

The helicopter descended slowly under Geo's control and landed, and the Megabuddies stepped out.

"Hi guys!" said Brad, waving to the group.

---

Meanwhile, not so far away, inside the giant nuclear death tank robot, the man in the cyborg suit and trenchcoat looked at the radar.

"Crap," he muttered.

"What's wrong?" asked his General friend.

"They survived."

"WHAT?"

"A helicopter just left that village. Must've been them."

"Damn. We could always try fighting them head on. We have an emissary of nuclear death right here. Shouldn't be too hard to wipe out a couple of idiots."

"As much as I hate to say it, you're right. Let's blow these ****heads up!"

And with that, they began driving to the location of everyone's favorite Megabuddies, who were currently exchanging witty repartee or something like that, and completely unaware that they were about to be destroyed. Except for Cajun, who was glaring into the horizon. Suddenly, without a word, he began running back towards the crater that had once been a nameless German village of little to no importance.

"What's up with him?" asked Brad. Gbleek shrugged.

"Isn't that place still radioactive?" wondered Soma out loud.

"Who cares?" responded a gleeful Gbleek.

---

Cajun readied his stinger missile system, and made sure he had several grenades handy. He sensed battle coming up. And he was right. Just about 500 yards away, he saw the same monstrous robot from before, which was approaching fast.

Inside, the General was chortling merrily. "He thinks he can beat us in a giant tank all alone?! HA."

"He has stingers. And probably a few grenades," noted his comrade. "I'm getting out while I still can."

The cockpit of the robot opened and he leapt out, gracefully landing behind Cajun and dashing away, towards the other MBs.

"Metal Gear?!" exclaimed Cajun.

"Just for that, your death will be 25% more painful," yelled the General from the cockpit before closing it and getting ready to blow Cajun to tiny bloody bits. But Cajun was ready, and just as the General activated his robot's lock on and targeted him, he had thrown a chaff grenade at it.

For those of you who don't know, chaff grenades are essentially throwable chaff dispensers. Chaff consists of small aluminum strips that are specifically designed to throw off radar frequencies, which in this case meant completely disabling the robot's lock on. You see, Cajun and most of the Megabuddies have the ability to be total badasses whenever the plot demands.

Cajun was already following this up by sending multiple stingers at his enemy, who responded with his own missiles, which all managed to somehow miss Cajun.

"And I thought Gbleek was compensating for something," muttered Cajun as he continued his constant barrage of stingers. Soon enough, the mecha was engulfed in flames.

"Oh, sugar honey iced tea," muttered its pilot as the Metal Gear-esque bot was destroyed.

"Hell yes!" yelled Cajun. And then he collapsed to the ground promptly.

---

Meanwhile, the late General's compatriot, the man with the cyborg exoskeleton and a trenchcoat, was approaching the other MBs. From his pocket, he drew the hilt of a sword and raised it in the air. From the hilt exploded a yellow light, which shaped itself into a large sword, a legendary sword. And then he was in front of the Megabuddies and slashed at them with it, throwing away the trenchcoat in the process..

"Holy crap!" yelled Brad as one of his werepires was cut in half.

"It... Holy s***, it's a lightsaber-Ragnell!" exclaimed Simian.

Indeed, it was. Its wielder took a step back to survey his targets. He saw only Gbleek, Shadow, Simian, Brad, a dozen werepires, and Nathan, for Belbell had disappeared, and Soma was using her invisocamo thing. Gbleek, Shadow, and Simian all opened fire on their foe with their respective weapons, but he merely moved his blade as if to deflect the bullets. The bullets burned away to nothing against its laser surface (which makes no sense, since a laser really can't be a surface). They continued firing, and he continued blocking, until Soma sneaked up behind him, invisible, and attempted to stab him in the back, but suddenly he turned and punched her in the face, disabling her cloaking device and knocking her to the ground. He kicked her in the face until she was unconscious while simultaneously blocking his attackers' bullets.

"What the crap?!" exclaimed Simian. "He's too freakin' fast!"

"This is impossible!" yelled an exasperated Shadow. Soma's body twitched on the ground. Brad pointed at the man. The werepires immediately followed his unspoken instruction and charged at him. He dodge all of them and dashed to Brad, slashing at him. Brad backed away just in time, and the werepires and MBs continued their frenzied assault, while Nathan just ran away in the direction Cajun had gone in, crying and screaming in fear. Wuss.

Nothing was working.

Suddenly, a tranquilizer dart came zooming out of nowhere and embedded itself in the mysterious man's neck. He reached to his neck and pulled it out, looking at it for a moment. He dropped the blade, which disappeared, resembling nothing more than a discarded sword hilt now, and he swayed as he stood, as if dizzy. He shuddered, then dashed away as fast as he could, his gait shifting a little as the tranqs took their effect. He was still fast enough to get far, far away before the MBs could even catch up.

Belbell dropped down from the trees, having apparently hidden up there previously, her sniper rifle in her hands.

"Did you just...?" Simian's voice trailed off.

"Yep," replied the sniper.

"But... But... We've been trying to shoot him the whole time! It's freakin' impossible!" yelled Shadow. "Soma even tried using her camo thing, and it still didn't work! How did you...?" Like Simian, he didn't complete the question, for he was at a loss.

"How... Why... What the hell was that?!" exclaimed a very frustrated Gbleek. "How were you able to do that when none of us were able to?!

"Simple, " replied Belbell coolly, picking up the discarded blade. "I don't suck."

End Chapter 3

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:35 pm

Chapter 4: I Can't Believe It's Not Filler

Meanwhile, about ten minutes away from the MBs, Nathan was still running as fast and as far as his poor, wimpy, little legs could go. Which, incidentally, is not all that fast or far. Wimp. Granted, it probably didn't help that he was toting a rather large medi-gun with him. But he's still a wimp.

As it happened, the cyborg man was running in the same direction, but at a much greater speed. Therefore, the man soon collided into Nathan at a high speed, which logically snowballed into both of them tripping and falling. Falling right on top of Cajun's unconscious body. In the center of a large radioactive crater. Yeah, our heroes aren't that smart.

The cyborg man was the first to get up, and looked around. The effects of the tranquilizers Belbell had hit him with were beginning to wear off. He glanced at Cajun's prone body and then at Nathan, who was whimpering in a fetal position. Nathan's arm appeared to be broken. There were also scattered robot parts everywhere, and some blood.

The man walked over to Nathan and punched him in the face. Nathan fell to the ground near Cajun, unconscious. The man picked both of them up and began heading back to his base of operations. Hitler would probably like to "speak" to the two of them when he got back.

---

Back at Megabuddies HQ, Commander Mega was locked in mortal combat with Zeldafan. She made a move, and ZF made a fatal mistake. He failed to notice that she had lined up three red circles, and had dropped his own black circle in the wrong place, allowing her to claim victory. Mega's arms rose in triumph, while ZF hung his head in loss and disbelief.

"Why did we hire this bloody moron as our tactician again?" asked T_L, who had been watching the game. "He can't even win Connect Four!"

"It's a game for seven year olds!" protested ZF.

"So it should be even easier for you to win," replied T_L smoothly.

"I have the most tactical experience!"

"Playing Fire Emblem does not count as experience."

"Only by your socialist standards!"

Mega was silent throughout this exchange. She put a hand to her temple and closed her eyes.

"Something wrong?" asked ZF.

"My 'ohcrapweareallgonnadie' senses are tingling," explained the commander.

"You have those?" asked T_L with a raised eyebrow.

"Would they be tingling if they didn't exist?"

"I hope this isn't like the last time her sense tingled," muttered ZF.

"Why, what happened?" asked T_L.

"Gbleek broke his Nintendo 64 and we had to go to Walmart," murmured Mega, her voice solemn.

"...Screw it, I don't want to know."

---

"Are we there yet?" asked Gbleek for the umpteenth (there's a word I never get to use) time in five minutes.

"No," came Geo's response, as he set the helicopter on auto-pilot.

"How 'bout now?"

"No."

How 'bout now?"

"Do I have to kick you out?"

"That depends. Are we there yet?"

And with that Geo rushed towards Gbleek, ready to shove him out of the chopped. Simian glanced towards him, and as Geo approached the chopper's exit, he charged at him and pushed him out. As he rushed towards the ground at terminal velocity, Simian cheered.

"OH CRAP!" yelled Shadow.

"What?" asked Simian.

"He... He didn't have a parachute..."

And his looks of triumph immediately evaporated into fear and guilt.

"Hey, where'd Cajun and Nathan go?" asked Soma suddenly.

"Who cares?" responded Gbleek.

---

Geo was still falling. Oddly, the ground never seemed to get any closer.

"This is supposed to be poetic justice, isn't it?" he asked of no one in particular.

"Yep," came a voice, bearing an unexpected response.

"The hell? Who are you?"

"I dunno. You tell me."

"..."

"Infinity is a boring place to fall, isn't it?"

"Yes... Wait, what?!"

End Chapter 4

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:36 pm

Chapter 5: Not Supposed to be Funny

"You freakin' killed him!" exclaimed Shadow, pointing a finger accusingly at Simian, who smacked it away. "How are we gonna get home now? He was the only one that knew how to fly this freakin' thing!"

"It's on auto-pilot," murmured Soma solemnly.

"Shouldn't we call HQ?" asked Belbell.

"Yeah, probably," responded Simian, taking out a walkie-talkie and speaking into it.

---

"You did WHAT?" screeched a rather enraged tactician, dropping the walkie-talkie as Simian finished.

"Oh, shut up," came Belbell's voice through the discarded communication device. "We have something to make up for it. "

"Like what?" asked T_L.

"You'll see," was the mysterious reply.

---

Cajun opened his eyes to find that he was in a cell. A quick look around told him that Nathan was also there, whimpering in the corner like a poor sissy baby who had soiled its pants. Ironically, Nathan had soiled his pants.

"Ew," muttered Cajun as he surveyed the other surroundings. His weapons, along with Nathan's medi-gun, were piled on table nearby, where an overweight guard slept. There was only one window, which was, naturally, barred, and was too high up to reach anyway. "Well, crap."

---
"Geo, wake up!"

Geo opened his eyes and looked around. He had fallen asleep, and was evidently still falling. It had been the disembodied voice that had decided to wake him up. Geo suddenly noticed that his surroundings were different now. For some odd reason, he was above what appeared to be some sort of gigantic armored fortress with the Nazi banner attached.

"What the hell?"

"Oh, yeah, you're in Berlin now. Forgot to mention," said the voice.

"...What?"

"Right, probably should've explained all this a bit better."

"Explained what?"

"Hang on."

Suddenly, someone appeared falling next to Geo. It appeared to be a platypus.

"What the hell?" exclaimed Geo.

"Oh, wait, the platypus is Bradley's spirit thing," said the platypus. The animal disappeared and in it's place was a falling rock. Eyes and a smiling mouth had apparently been drawn onto it with permanent marker. Or at least, that's what it looked like, only the eyes blinked and the mouth was talking.

"So, yeah, I'm your spirit," said the rock. "You can call me Rocky."

"Creative," said Geo dryly.

"Shut up. Anyway, you're friends are over there in that death fortress down there. Go save them."

"I thought you were supposed to explain stuff!" exclaimed Geo.

"Yeah, I lied. Bye!"

And with that, Geo fell towards the fortress and crash landed at the top. Luckily for him, a poor Nazi guard who was supposed to make sure no one attacked from the air had been standing right where and cushioned the fall.

"S***!" yelled both Geo and the guard. Geo quickly responded by bashing the poor man's nose in violently and stealing his gun. He also remembered something that would've been very helpful last chapter. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cellphone, which amazingly still had service in Nazi Germany (he suspected Verizon Wireless was in league with Hitler), and dialed the MB Headquarters number.

Three rings later, T_L picked up the phone.

"Geo, I thought Simian pushed you to your death!" he exclaimed. "We were about to celebrate."

"F*** you, and get ZF on the phone."

Ten seconds later, ZF was talking.

"What is it?"

"I'm trapped on a Nazi death trap fortress!"

"Okay... Wait, what?!"

End Chapter 5

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:37 pm

Chapter 6:Also Not Intended to be Funny

"Can this thing go any faster?" asked Mega, as she pushed Shadow away for the umpteenth time.

"Sorry, we're going as fast as we can," replied ZF, who was piloting the jet they were currently in. They were, of course, headed towards Geo's location, the Nazi death trap. The other MBs had arrived back at HQ in their chopper and they had all agreed to go find Geo.

Naturally, Shadow had immediately taken the opportunity to sit next to Mega. And snuggle her while watching the in-flight movie. Yes, the Megabuddies have an awesome jet with in-flight movies. It really wasn't the best movie to try to win a girl over, really. It was full of blood and gore, and unfortunately, Mega was unable to enjoy it because of her stalker and/or fanboy.

It was all kind of disturbing. Yet, at the same time, it was still entertaining watching Mega resist the urge to shoot him in the balls.

It was about half an hour later when the jet arrived at the fortress and landed on top. Don't ask me how they managed to land a plane on a fairly small space, just roll with it, dammit! Geo was waiting for them, having decided that storming a large Nazi base alone was not smart.

The Megabuddies exited the plane, and immediately, Geo walked up to Simian and kicked him in the crotch.

"You suck," he murmured as he walked away.

Meanwhile, Belbell and ZF were happily conversing.

"Holy crap," murmured ZF, clutching the laser-Ragnell she had acquired earlier. "I shall treasure it always..."

"Right, you seriously need a giant, vaguely phallic laser sword," interrupted T_L.

"Shut up," replied the tactician. "It matches my gauntlet."

"I don't wanna know."

"But it's awesome. It makes a shield that deflects shields and lasers and s***!"

"I really don't give a rat's $$$."

Belbell rolled her eyes as she readied her rifle and made sure she had enough ammo to kill everything in sight like a freakin' psychopath. Elsewhere, Shadow and Gbleek readied miniguns.


"Everyone ready?" asked Mega, as the group gathered around her. She had holstered two guns and led the way inside through a door. They entered into a long winding staircase, which they followed to another door, which led into what appeared to be a mess hall of some sort. There were five long tables with long benches on the sides. There was also an opening in one wall that appeared to open into a kitchen. There was a large rotating door leading elsewhere. The Megabuddies approached the door, and were about to head on into the next room when it quite literally exploded, sending them all back into the cafeteria.

The blast left a gaping hole in the wall, and emerging from that hole was a zombie horde. All of the zombies appeared to be wearing tattered uniforms that appeared to be about 60 or 70 years old.

"I have a bad feeling about this," announced Mega, pulling out two pistols. The other MBs got into their own respective badass poses. For example, ZF's new laser-Ragnell exploded into life while his gauntlet formed a small, circular shield. Soma disappeared with her camo thing, while Shadow, Simian, and Gbleek all pulled out miniguns. T_L and Geo had both mysteriously disappeared. Brad, wielding a chainsaw (which he had apparently pulled out of nowhere) and a group of a dozen werepires, stood at the back.

---

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the fortress, Geo and T_L, having sneaked away from the epic zombie fight upstairs, were heading down towards the dungeons.

"Why are we going to the dungeons?" asked T_L. "How do you even know where the dungeon is?"

"Cajun and Nathan are in the dungeons," said Geo happily. "My spirit animal told me."

"Your... spirit animal?"

"Yes. His name is Rocky. He is a rock."

"A rock is your spirit animal?"

"Yep."

"But... rocks aren't even animals..."

"So?"

"You're ****ing insane."

"Yeah. Probably."

"Why am I here again?"

"You're helping me rescue Cajun and Nathan."

"Why would I wanna do that?"

They had gone down several flights of stairs by now, and were currently in a room that looked like a weird computer lab, with big glowing screens. Strangely, they had yet to encounter any opposition. And naturally, that last sentence jinxed them, and about twenty soldiers appeared from various doors and saw them. And they all had Uzis.

"F***," said Geo, drawing a pair of revolvers.

"Revolvers? Seriously?" asked T_L incredulously.

"I have twelve shots, and there are twenty-one of them. It's perfect."

T_L sighed and pulled out a golf club. Geo looked at it and gasped.

"Is that..." he trailed off.

"Yep," replied T_L.

"ZF's Holy Golf Club of Doom?!"

"Yeah, I took it when he and Mega were playing Connect Four."

"Awesome."

The Nazis had yet to actually fire at them, a fact that the two used to their advantage by taking cover behind some conveniently placed crates.

"How is a golf club supposed to help us when they have Uzis?" asked Geo. T_L shrugged. Geo sighed, then ducked out from behind the crates and fired a single shot from one of his revolvers. The bullet went right through one man's head and ricocheted off the wall behind him. Then it hit another soldier in the chest, killing him.

"How did you do that?" asked T_L.

"I'm just awesome like that," replied Geo as he repeated the endeavor, resulting in another pair of cadavers. He continued doing this until there was only one man left.

"I've only got two shots left. You take him," said Geo.

"Fine," replied T_L, who had thus far just sat there and watched as Geo mindlessly slaughtered the Nazis like a badass. With that, he leapt out of cover and bashed the Nazi scum's brains in with the golf club, spreading blood and brain matter all around. "Okay, let's go."

With that, the two scampered off to find the dungeons to save Cajun and Nathan.

---

"Nathan," whispered Cajun, trying to get the medic's attention without waking their morbidly obese guard.

"What?"

"I think I know how to get out of here."

"Oh, tell me!"

Five Minutes Later

"I need to go to the bathroom," wailed Nathan. The guard glared at him. Cajun lay near the wall, apparently asleep.

"Shut up!" he yelled.

"But I really have to go!"

The guard glared again, but after a moment's deliberation, decided to let Nathan out. He approached the door with a set of keys, unlocked the cell, and gestured toward Nathan to come out. Nathan approached, and so did Cajun, moving at high speed. Cajun reached the guard first and kicked the guard in the crotch as hard as he could. The man stumbled back and Cajun continued brutalizing the poor guy's testicles.

The guard managed to stand up, barely, and closed the cell and locked before Nathan could get out. Cajun reached the table where their weapons were piled and picked up a pistol, aiming it at the guard.

"Let Nathan out," said Cajun. "THIS, I COMMAND."

The guard complied warily, opening the cell door and allowing Nathan to walk out. Suddenly, the door burst open, and T_L and Geo appeared.

"Hi, guys!" said the two simultaneously.

"What the--?" said Cajun, before the guard he had tortured punched him in the face and shoved Nathan back into the cell and locking it. He was also very fast for such a large person, and managed to reach Cajun's weapons, pulling out a second pistol that they had never noticed. He pointed it at Nathan. As he did so, he also noticed that both Cajun and Geo had their weapons pointed at him now.

Then the guard smiled, and it was all rather disturbing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a grenade, hurling it towards Cajun.

"Oh, crap!" he yelled stepping away from the explosive, backing away towards T_L and Geo, who also stepped back, ending up outside the doorstep. Cajun followed them out, but kept his weapon pointed at the guard. And then they all realized they had done something very, very stupid. You see, the guard had chucked a grenade at them, but he had not pulled the pin out.

"Oh, you f***ing morons," muttered T_L, facepalming.

The guard reached towards a panel on the nearby wall, which was adorned by several blinking buttons. He pushed one, and the door slammed shut, locking T_L, Geo, and Cajun in, while trapping Nathan inside.

---

Inside the newly-locked room, the obese guard ignored the bangs coming outside, which was probably the MBs trying to break down the door or something, and unlocked Nathan's cell. Nathan's pants were by now dripping wet from the fact that he had been soiling himself almost constantly since his imprisonment. The poor boy whimpered as the guard approached and stood over him with a menacing gleam in his eye.

"Bend over, boy," said the guard with a smile.

---

"AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH!"

The MBs outside flinched as they heard an ear-splitting scream from inside the locked room

"What the hell was that?" asked T_L

"I think it was Nathan," gulped Geo.

"Oh, well, let's go."

And with that, Geo, T_L, and the newly-rescued Cajun went on their merry way to help out the other Megabuddies with the zombies.

End Chapter 6

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:38 pm

Chapter 7: In Which Things Keep Getting Worse

Meanwhile, upstairs, Mega and the other MBs were locked in epic combat with the Nazi zombies. And it was awesome. Mega headshotted an enemy before kicking another in the balls, which somehow managed to kill it despite the fact that it was dead, and its crotch was probably all rotten and disgusting. Shadow was nearby, gunning them down. Gbleek was also there, but he was reduced to whacking the zombies with his gun cause he ran out of ammo. Simian lay nearby, bleeding from the stomach, stirring feebly, while zombies attempted to ravage his flesh, only to be stopped by ZF dismembering them with his large, vaguely phallic laser sword.

Brad's chainsaw was revving elsewhere, as he violently tore apart zombie faces with it, blood and gore spraying everywhere. His werepire servants were aiding him by ripping off their zombified limbs, and by now, their fur was bright red from all the bodily fluids everywhere. Suddenly, one of the zombies left onto a werepire's back. It was joined by several more zombies, who finally managed to bring the poor werepire to the ground. The creature howled and screamed as the zombies ripped it to shreds, tearing off it's arm first, then its legs, and finishing with its head. They then proceeded to eat its shredded carcass, until the other werepires decided that this was a bad thing and finally decided to do something about, tearing the zombies' faces off.

Elsewhere, Mega and ZF were being freakin' badass, blasting zombie heads off and instantly killing things by kicking them in the face or slashing them to ribbons with giant over-compensatory swords, causing instant internal brain hemorrhaging or something, which was good because up till now, they've done pretty much nothing but play a stupid game for seven-year-olds, as if they were trying to milk some strange joke or reference as much as possible before it gets old because the writer is too lazy to get his own damn joke.

More zombies were still coming to kill our heroes, however, no matter how many they killed. In addition to the Nazi zombies that they had been killing thus far, several zombies appeared, sporting yellow Stars of David inscribed with the word "Jude."

"Crap," muttered Mega, as she shot an enemy unit in the knees, then kicked its head off. Suddenly, a second giant hole was blown in the wall, and a tank entered.

"Oh, what the hell?" complained Gbleek. But it seemed that the tank was not targeting the MBs. Its cannons were pointed at the center of the zombie hoards, and they were blown to shreds. It fired several more times, all but obliterating the undead opposition. The tank's hatch opened and Geo, Cajun, and T_L stepped out.

"Hi!" said Geo, as he stepped over a zombie body to meet the other MBs. "We saved Cajun!"

"So I see," responded Soma.

"Where's Nathan?" asked Belbell. "I thought he and Cajun were together."

Geo didn't say anything, while T_L whistled innocently.

"Well, we think he was raped by a fat German man," said Cajun after a somewhat awkward pause. That statement really didn't help things.

"....."

"Well, sucks to be him," remarked Gbleek, as he walked back towards the exit. The other MBs followed, (Belbell appeared to be the only one that cared that Nathan was probably dead), but stopped when they heard the moaning of zombies. A small group of the undead monstrosities fell from the ceiling, apparently having waited there for several minutes. They landed almost right on top of Mega, who shrieked and began shooting them like a crazy psychopath killer person. Or at least, she pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, she was out of ammo, and therefore really wasn't doing anything. Shadow was the first to reach her, gunning down two enemies. Three zombies were apparently armed with bayonets and were about to shoot Mega when Belbell, Gbleek, and Cajun opened fire, downing them almost immediately. However, there were still about eight left. Mega kicked one away from her, but was immediately surround by the other seven, who immediately tried to eat her brains out. To Belbell's horror, she noticed that one of these zombies appeared to be Nathan.

"Nooooooooooo!" screamed Shadow, dashing towards them. The other MBs would've shot the zombies, but they couldn't really do anything without accidentally hurting Mega. Shadow pulled one zombie away, which was immediately dismembered by ZF's laser-Ragnell. Mega's obsessed stalker/fanboy then kicked Nathan's zombified form, forcing it to leave Mega alone, thereby prompting T_L to bludgeon him to death (do zombies die?) with ZF's golf club. Poor Nathan.

"Dude, you jacked my golf club!" whined the club's original owner.

The remaining undead terrors shifted their attentions from Mega (who was now bleeding from a gash in her shoulder) to Shadow.

"RUN, MEGA!" screeched the poor boy as the zombies leapt on him before anyone could react. Suffice it to say that his death was bloody, and the zombies ate him completely. The other MBs followed Shadow's instructions almost immediately, dashing away. Shadow bought them just enough time to get to the door, but Mega was the last one there, and the zombies (which were surprisingly fast) managed to reach her before she could exit.

"Oh, come on!" protested Gbleek. "Shadow couldn't at least have had the decency to die slowly and painfully enough to get us outside the damn door?"

Cajun and Brad were the first to react. Cajun blasted the zombies' to pits with a minigun which he had taken from Simian, who was now unconscious and being carried by one of the werepires, while Brad took his chainsaw to their horrible, deformed faces.

"Thanks," muttered Mega, as they all made their way to the jet. They were almost there, too, when the Megabuddies' jet exploded into billions of tiny pieces.

"Oh, what the hell?" screeched Gbleek.

End Chapter 7

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:41 pm

Chapter 8: Return of Fatman

The Megabuddies shielded their eyes from the explosion as pieces of their destroyed jet bounced to the ground. They glanced around to find the source of the explosion, and found it behind them, in the shape of a certain morbidly obese man in a Nazi uniform. The man was holding a missile launcher, which had been Cajun's before he had been captured He appeared to be wearing... skates, for some reason, and Cajun found him to be disturbingly familiar.

"That's the guy that killed Nathan," he remarked, pointing Simian's gun at him. Belbell gasped, and readied her own weapon, aiming carefully for the man's crotch, while Mega and Gbleek aimed at his ample chest. ZF's sword and T_L's golf club were held at the ready to bludgeon the fatass to bloody death.

"I... uh... I don't think shooting him will work," said Geo. "I mean, this guy's so big we'd have to hit him with a bullet. Then hit that bullet with another bullet. Then keep doing that until it finally hit something important."

"Lol," said T_L, literally spelling out the letters. Cajun fired. Strangely, the bullets never reached him. Instead, what appeared to be a blue forcefield appeared around him as the shots approached, deflecting them with ping.

"The hell?" exclaimed Cajun.

"I suppose this explains why I don't exercise so much anymore," smiled the fat man. Cajun and Gbleek fired at him even more, but these shots were also reflected. Meanwhile, Geo had disappeared again.

"Wow," remarked ZF. "That shield thing's probably a like my gauntlet, but more advanced. It only deflects bullets though. Well, I think."

"Don't worry," said Cajun. "I'll pry it off his bloated corpse.

"Good luck with that!" yelled the man, rolling away on his skates. And with that, ZF, Cajun, Mega, Soma, Brad, T_L, Gbleek, Belbell and the remaining werepires (and anyone else I'm forgetting) chased after him, following him into a room they had not been in before. It was a fairly basic room, with stairs leading up to a second floor with several ledges which could be used as sniper perches, an idea that Belbell used, setting up her rifle on the second floor while the fatty began skating around the room.

The MBs (sans Simian and Geo) attacked, trying to tackle, slash, or otherwise physically injure the man, who managed to evade them. Simian had been dragged over to BB's sniper perch by a werepire. Suddenly, Belbell had an idea.

"Hey, ZF, get over here!" she called. Zeldafan came. "How big could this shield thing be?"

"Hypothetically, it could probably fit in your pocket," responded the fan of Zelda. "Hey, you can get a close look at him with that sniper scope, right?"

"Yeah," replied Belbell, not sure where ZF was going with this.

"See if you can spot the shield generator."

"Do you have any idea how much surface area that guy has? He might have it tucked between his chins! ...Ew...

"Just look for any small bulges that aren't flab!"

"I'll see what I can do."

She zoomed in as close as possible with her scope and scanned the man, who was currently dodging an incoming tackle courtesy of Mega.

"It's amazing this guy can find pants his size," murmured Belbell, as her sight moved over his belt buckle. From which a small red light was blinking. "Oh, my God. Of course, his belt buckle."

---

Elsewhere in this death trap fortress whose structure is not very clear, a single tank rolled. Soon, it stopped, right outside a large door. The tank waited, for its driver knew that his target would be coming out soon.

---

"GUYS!" yelled Belbell, as loud as she could so that everyone could hear her. "YOU HAVE TO GET HIS PANTS OFF! GET THOSE PANTS OFF HIM RIGHT NOW!"

The MBs gathered beneath Belbell's perch to discuss and take a brief respite from chasing Lardass around.

"Uh... Belbell?" started ZF. "Could you repeat that? And by 'repeat that,' I mean 'say something completely different.'"

"This is not time to start getting your perv on, BB!" said Gbleek, who had by now abandoned his gun in favor of trying to punch the fat man.

"His belt buckle is the shield, you idiots. Get his pants off and then shoot his face off," said Belbell.

"I'll stick to trying to hit him repeatedly, thanks," said Cajun.

"Try crushing the thing with your hand," suggested the sniper. "The electronics are probably pretty delicate."

"There is no way in hell I'm putting my hand that close to his crotch!" protested Gbleek.

"I would mock your obvious closet issues," said T_L dryly, "But I don't particularly want to see this guy pantsless either."

"Would you all stop acting like babies?" said an exasperated Belbell.

"Let's just kick Lardy a few inches north of the family jewels!" suggested Mega. "It's a flawless plan!"

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!" came a sudden scream behind them. They all turned to look and saw the fat man clutching his delicate areas. Suddenly, Soma appeared, deactivating her camo, with her knife in the poor guy's private parts. She pulled the blade out, causing him to whimper ineffectually, then cut his belt buckle off.

"Okay, Belbell," she said. "Blow his brains out!"

"With pleasure," came the response. Belbell fired, but the bullet was till deflected.

"Get the belt buckle away from him! He's still in range of the shield!" exclaimed ZF. Soma complied, throwing the buckle towards Cajun, who passed it to Mega, who slammed it happily on the ground.

"Touchdown!" she roared. Belbell aimed again, but the man was skating towards the door too fast for her to get an accurate shot. He was almost at the door. He was about to exit....

And then the door exploded, taking fatty with it. Where the door used to be was a familiar tank. The hatch opened and Geo peeked out.

"Boom shacka-lacka," he said, giving them a thumbs-up.

End Chapter 8

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:42 pm

Chapter 9: Filler That Isn't Funny

The Megabuddies waited at the top of the death-trap-McKilly-fortress-deathstar-thing tower. Mega had managed to call Tom and Laclipsey, who were on their way with the back up jet. Yes, they have a back-up jet.

"This sucks," said a disgruntled Gbleek.

"You suck," replied Cajun.

"It's his job to suck," said T_L. Unless you could not tell, the MBs were also very, very, very bored.

"Shut up," said Cheeky Bleeky.

"Am I the only one who finds it vaguely suspicious that no more guards have come to kill us?" asked Soma.

"Yes," said Gbleek, T_L, and Cajun simultaneously.

---

Elsewhere, Geo was on his knees at Mega's feet for some reason.

"Pwetty pwease?" he was saying.

"Geo, we can't bring the tank with us. It won't fit in the jet, silly," replied the commander, who was sitting next to Brad.

"Please?!"

""BEG, KNAVE!" yelled Mega. "Beg for your life!"

"I don't care about my life!" exclaimed Geo. "I just want the tank!"

"... You can have the tank if you can drive it all the way home by yourself."

"SWEET!" said Geo, dashing off to get his tank and drive it home.

"Have fun at the Mexican border!" she called after him.

"We're in Germany," said Brad. "Why would he need to cross the Mexican border?"

Mega shrugged. "Who cares?"

"How's he gonna pay for gas? How will he even survive?"

"I dunno. Is it really that important?"

---
Simian, who had by now woken up, had taken to wandering aimlessly around the nearby area. He approached a door which he had not yet been in, and opened it. The room was completely dark, and he walked in. IDIOT. What moron walks into a dark room without any knowledge of what's inside? Suddenly, the door behind him shut. Which he really should've seen coming. The lights flickered on, and Simian turned to see a hoard of monkeys staring at him.

"Ook?" said a monkey at the front.

"Squeeeeeeeee!" exclaimed Simian.

End Chapter 9

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:44 pm

Chapter 10: Totally Not Filler

Simian smiled. He liked monkeys. He approached the front of the group and crouched down so he was on eye level with the simians.

"Hi, little guy," he said, reaching out to pet one of the monkeys. Suddenly, the monkey he was about to touch leapt at his face, clawing at his eyes. He crashed down on his back as the more of the monkeys assaulted him, until he was caught at the bottom of a very large pile of monkeys.

---

Meanwhile, the other MBs, who were completely unaware of his predicament, were suddenly interrupted in whatever it was they were doing by what sounded like someone screaming. Gbleek sighed.

"Can we go one hour without having to save someone from certain death?" he asked as Mega, Cajun, and himself walked off to find the source of the yelling.

"No," replied both Mega and Cajun.

Everyone else decided that Mega, Gbleek and Cajun could go deal with whatever the problem was, and whoever had gotten in trouble was boned, because it was all his fault. Therefore, when the trio found out whose &*( they were saving for this chapter, they were very much surprised to find out that it was Simian being mauled by a hoard of monkeys. Sighing, the three opened fire on the monkeys, blasting them all off of poor, poor Simian.

Simian was covered in scratches everywhere, and one of his eyes had been clawed out. He was trying to gun down the monkeys with his friends but his lack of an eye kind of hindered his aim a bit. As he shot each monkey, he whimpered, for he loved monkeys.

Pansy. Pansy, I say!

---

"I want my golf club back," said ZF, glaring at T_L.

"So?" replied T_L.

"Give it back!"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't wanna."

"I will rip your head off, mortal!"

And on that cheerful note, ZF activated his laser-Ragnell and proceeded to attempt to disembowel T_L. Suddenly, ZF tripped over an inconveniently placed pebble and fell on his face. As he fell, his epic laser sword flew out of his hands, down a flight of stairs and out a window.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he yelled as his beloved blade fell to its death.

---

Meanwhile, having just exited the tower in his new tank, Geo was conversing with his spirit animal, Rocky the Rock. It's such a creative name, isn't it?

"...And that's the 544th reason that Phil sucks," Rocky was saying cheerfully.

"Uh-huh," replied Geo, who was actually very interested in why Brad's spirit animal sucked.

Suddenly, a laser sword fell from the sky, piercing a hole in the tank, very nearly impaling Geo.

"AH, HOLY CRAP, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" he yelled. "Quick, to the bomb shelter!"

Rocky stared at him for a moment, and then leapt at his human, smacking him in face.

"Ouch," said Geo, who was presumably quite miffed. "What was that for?"

"It's not the end of the world, you moron," replied the rock. "It's just a freakin' awesome laser sword!"

Geo looked out the tank's hatch to see that Rocky was right. He pulled out ZF's lost sword and admired it.

"Cool," he said, as he took the blade into his tank, closed the hatch, and drove off into the sunset.

End Chapter 10

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:44 pm

Chapter 11: *insert title here*

Geo and Rocky had returned to their avid discussion on why rocks were better than platypuses and why laser swords were overall freakin' awesome, as they rolled through a desolate, desert landscape in their impregnable tank of death and awesomeness.

"See, rocks can't die. Platypuses die if you just shoot 'em, y'know?" Rocky was saying. Geo nodded in agreement. "And besides, Rocky is a much better name than Phil."

Nearby, German soldiers surveyed the tank as it journeyed towards America. They all drew machine guns and opened fire. Of course, it really didn't do much except annoy Geo, who pointed the tank's cannon at the source of the bullets that were ineffectually shooting at his beloved vehicle and fired, blowing them all to bits.

"TAKE THAT, B*****ES!" he yelled, peeking out of the hatch and waving his new-found sword. However, he was not quite aware of the fact that a man clad in some sort of cyborg exoskeleton, located about six hundred feet away, holding a sniper rifle. Through the scope, he had a fairly good view of Geo's unprotected head.

"Sorry about this, Geppy," he muttered as he made sure his aim was perfect, and pulled the trigger.

---

Meanwhile, the other MBs had finally left the tower, as Tom and Laclipsey had shown up with the back up jet (still epic). They had all boarded the plane and were flying to America, specifically, the coast of California. ZF whimpered in his seat, glaring angrily at T_L.

"It wasn't my fault," said T_L. "You tripped."

"If you hadn't taken my damn golf club, that wouldn't have happened."

"Calm down, ZF," said Soma soothingly, patting the poor fool's head. "It's okay."

"GIRLFRIEND STEALER!" screeched Gbleek as he saw Soma and ZF sitting next to each other. Mega rolled her eyes.

---

Elsewhere, an angry Asian of the female persuasion grimaced in her cell, feebly looking around for an escape route. Discovering nothing, she sighed and sat on the floor.

"You realize, Suri, that they're probably gonna kill us just for knowing people in the MBs?" asked her cellmate and only companion in Nazi Germany, a male.

"Yeah, Cyclone, that makes me feel loads better," said the girl, now identified as Suri, bitterly.

"Just saying."

"Shut up."

"Yes'm."

End Chapter 11

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:45 pm

Chapter 12: Ghosts

Suri and Cyclone were locked in epic combat, for one of the nicer guards had decided to give them something to amuse themselves with. Suri dropped a red circle in place, but Cyclone blocked her with his own black piece. The Asian girl scowled as she carefully placed another circle, failing to notice the line of three black pieces her opponent had made.

"Yes!" exclaimed Cyclone as he dropped in the final piece, connecting four. "HA!"

"Rematch!" yelled Suri angrily. She had already lost four times in a row. Loser.

They were about to play again when a guard strolled in, brandishing a gun.

"Come with me, you two," he said, unlocking the door as two more guards walked in. The pair walked out of their cell, and the guards handcuffed them, blindfolded them, and led them out of the room.

"Where are we going?" asked Suri.

"Gas chambers," said one guard with a smirk.

"Oh," said Suri, eyes widening. "Great."

"Yes, it's fan-f*cking-tastic," said Cyclone with a gulp.

---

"My eye hurts," complained Simian, pointing at the area where his eye used to be. There was an eyepatch there now.

"You don't have an eye," replied Gbleek dryly.

"Yeah, but it still hurts!"

"Shut up."

"MAKE ME!"

"I WILL SHOOT YOUR OTHER EYE OUT, B****!"

"Do I have to come back there?" yelled Mega threateningly from her seat at the front of the plane.

Gbleek and Simian said nothing.

"Good," said Mega. "Because if you interrupted my drawing time, I would've had to rip off your faces and shove them into your lungs."

The two shifted uncomfortably, while Brad whistled innocently.

---

Meanwhile, the werepires were playing Monopoly at the back of the jet. But only because the author was tired of milking the Connect Four trend more than once in one chapter. Sorry.

---

Belbell sat contentedly in a window seat. Nathan sat in the seat next to her. However, his appearance was slightly different from the last time they had seen each other. Although his hair, clothes, and everything else was pretty much the same, his entire body was slightly translucent, allowing whoever looked at him to see through him. Belbell, who was looking out the window, had yet to notice him.

"Hi, Belbell," he said suddenly, smiling a little. Belbell turned to see him.

"Hello, Nathan," she replied. And then she remembered something. "Wait, what?!"

---

Geo, who was completely unaware that there was someone trying to assassinate him, was still waving his blade triumphantly. Suddenly, his attention was drawn by something on the floor of his tank.

"Hey, a nickel!" he exclaimed, bending over to pick the coin up. The sniper's bullet was split second too late, hitting the tank where Geo's head had been just moments before.

"Damn," growled his assailant, as he reloaded for a second shot. But it was too late, Geo had closed the tank's hatch and had continued on his merry way to America!

Inside the tank, Geo and Rocky rejoiced in the discovery of the nickel, which Geo decided would now be called Nico. However, Rocky groaned.

"Can we please call it something else?" he asked.

"Why?"

"Because, Nico is your friend Zeldafan's spirit animal. "He's a wolf. And God, he's such a cocky little $&#@(@!"

"Oh, okay!" said Geo cheerfully. "I shall call him...... SQUISHY. And he shall be mine. And he shall be my Squishy.

"EPIC," said the rock excitedly.

End Chapter 12

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:46 pm

Chapter 13: The Origin Story

"I blame you for this," said Suri, glaring at Cyclone (in spite of her blindfolds; I'm not sure how), as the two were led down a pair of stairs, which presumably led to the gas chambers.

"Why?" asked Cyclone innocently.

"Because it's all your fault!"

"No it's not! You're the one who wanted to gather a ragtag team of adventurers with humorously conflicting personalities to go on a journey to conquer evil and learn the true meaning of friendship!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Suri, utterly confused.

"Don't you remember?"

---

28 Days Ago

Suri walked silently through the halls of the Walmart, a bow in her hand and a quiver on her back. There were, strangely, no employees inside, and several miscellaneous items had been scattered on the floor. Suddenly, she heard rustling behind her and whirled around, an arrow at the ready to attack. However, the noise was only coming from one of the discarded toys: an Optimus Prime action figure, which was standing upright, holding a Rubik's Cube in his hand.

The toy was saying something irrelevant about how the cube was a source of ultimate power or something, and something about a doomed planet. Suri rolled her eyes, and continued on her journey into the heart of Walmart, just as a Megatron toy appeared and attacked Optimus with help from several other robots, until Prime lay dead on the floor. It was all eerily like a scene from a movie.

After a few minutes of walking through the toy aisle, the produce aisle, the pharmacy, and the necromantic scrolls or tomes aisle, the sound of gunfire burst through the silence, startling the girl. She raised her bow and headed towards the source of the noise, which was towards the entrance. As she approached, she could hear voices as well.

"Hurry up, Bloogoo!" came one voice.

"Don't rush me!" was the response.

As Suri exited the feminine products aisle, two male figures ran past. The sound of a helicopter roared outside, and she saw several men in German uniforms file into the store. Naturally, she did the natural thing and ran for her freaking life. She caught up with the two who had previously passed her, and waved.

"Hi!" she said.

"Hello," said one of the two, looking somewhat confused by her sudden presence. "...Who are you?"

"I'm Suri," said Suri, shooting an arrow into a Nazi soldier's heart.

Suddenly, a hail of bullets headed towards them. Suri and one of the guys ducked into a nearby aisle, but the remaining person was too slow, and the bullets ripped him to shreds.

"Bloogoo! NOOOOO!" yelled Suri's companion. Suri sighed and slapped him across the face.

"Shut up, you whiny meatsack," she said as she ran away. Cyclone ran to catch up with her.

"I'm Cyclone!" he said.

"Good for you."

"So... Where're you going?"

"To find something."

"Can I come?"

"....."

"Pretty please?"

"......Fine."

"Exaltations!"

And with that, the merry duo dashed off into the sunset. Or at least deeper into the Walmart. Whatever. DON'T JUDGE ME.

---

Present Day

"That was not how that happened," said Suri curtly. She was sitting on the stairs with Cyclone and their guards. They had all decided to stop and listen to Cyclone's tale, and the guards had kindly removed their prisoners' bonds. Fools.

"Oh, yeah, well, then you tell the story," retorted Cyclone.

"Nah, I'm not really in the mood right now."

The trio of guards watched the two with interest and boredom.

"Wait, so how did you get captured?" asked one of them.

Cyclone shrugged.

"I forget," said Suri.

"Well, I'm sure it's not just the author being too lazy to come up with a reasonable explanation for this," said a second guard.

"...What?" Everyone stared at the guard blankly.

"Never mind."

"Whatever," muttered Suri. And then suddenly, she yelled, "SNEAK ATTACK, &*(&^!" and proceeded to kick one guard in the balls, startling everyone, and ran away while they were distracted, leaving Cyclone alone with two reasonably angry guards and one poor man whimpering in the corner.

---

Meanwhile, several thousand miles directly above, in the MB plane, Laclipsey, who was, in addition to being a pilot, was also their doctor or something, was replacing Simian's lost eye with a cool, robot eye. Yeah, I'm not sure how that works either. But they're not relevant to the plot right now. So, yeah.

Elsewhere in the plane, Belbell and Nathan were having an animated conversation.

"So... You're a ghost," said Belbell.

"Yep," replied Nathan.

"You're not something crazy, like a spirit animal or something?"

"Of course not! That's a dumb idea!"

---

"Why do I get this strange urge to find Nathan's corpse and destroy it?" wondered Rocky out loud.

Geo shrugged.

---

"Why do I get this strange urge to find Rocky and throw him in a volcano?" said Phil the British platypus, Brad's spirit animal.

"Don't you get that urge every time he's mentioned in this story?" asked Brad.

"Oh, yeah."

---

"Thog want to be banker!" roared one of the werepires, who's name is apparently now Thog and who referred to himself in the third person like some sort of mentally deficient man-child, at the back of the plane. The werepires were still playing Monopoly, you see, though two of them had defected to playing Connect Four after the other stories decided to use the power of peer pressure to make this one jump on the Connect Four bandwagon

"No!" said another. "Crong want be banker!"

"Gok want grammar lessons," remarked a third.

End Chapter 13

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:47 pm

Chapter 14: Attack of the Flying Elephants

"This is your fault, you know," muttered Cajun as he ducked underneath one of the Nazi samurai's swords.

"How the hell is it my fault? protested Gbleek.

"...I don't know. We started the chapter in the middle of the action. I have no idea what's going on until the convenient expository flashback."

"I hate when that happens!" murmured Belbell as she sniped one of the samurai off off his flying elephant mount.

"You didn't have a problem with it back in the first chapter," said Soma as she scalped an enemy who had dared to grope her.

"THE FOURTH WALL!" exclaimed T_L.

---

One Hour Earlier (Yes, It's Time for the Convenient Expository Flashback)

"I am as a god made man!" exclaimed Simian, his new robot-eye-thing gleaming.

"No... Just no," said Soma, leaving Simian and Laclipsey alone. Laclipsey had just finished installing the eye. Soma had stopped to watch, looking at Simian's scalp longingly.

---

Meanwhile, Belbell and Nathan's ghost were staring at each other awkwardly.

"So..." started Nathan.

"Yeah?" asked Belbell.

"Wanna make out?"

"Yes," replied the girl, leaping towards the ghost. And passing right through his incorporeal body.

"Riiiiiiiiight. Ghost," said Nathan as Belbell fell flat on her face.

"...Wanna play Scrabble with the werepires?" asked Belbell from the floor.

"'Kay."

---

ZF and T_L were locked in epic argument.

"I WILL RIP OFF YOUR FACE!" exclaimed ZF.

"You said that twenty times already," replied T_L, waving the Holy Golf Club of Doom around.

"YOU JACKED MY GOLF CLUB."

"You said the thirty times."

It was a very one-sided argument.

"GIRLFRIEND STEALER!" yelled Gbleek from somewhere else in the plane.

"SCRIBBLE MY BEANS!" exclaimed Mega.

"SHOOP DA WOOP!" came Tom's voice from the cockpit.

"Why is everyone yelling?" asked Soma, walking in.

ZF was about to respond, but was stopped when the roof of the jet was ripped off, revealing an elephant, flying using its abnormally large ears. On its back was a samurai, wielding a katana, bearing a Nazi insignia.

"..................SERIOUSLY?" asked an incredulous Gbleek.

"That doesn't even make sense!" said Brad.

"We're fighting Hitler,[i] with help from [i]werepires," said Soma dryly. "When did this ever make sense?"

"....Oh, yeah."

---

Present Day

So that's how that happened," said Gbleek, as he headshotted a samurai with a pistol, having forgotten his minigun somewhere. The werepires appeared with Belbell and Nathan's ghost, tearing elephants to shreds. Belbell shot a samurai off his mount, while a female werepire slashed his elephant, causing both to fall to the ground.

---

Cyclone backed away from the two Nazi guards, who had turned there guns on him. He looked behind him, only to find that another guard had appeared behind him.

"Where do all these nameless, red-shirt grunts keep coming from?" he asked no one in particular.

"I have a name!" protested one of the guards in front of him. "It's–"

However, he never got to announce his name, as the roof of the building they were in caved in, allowing the broken corpse of an elephant and a Nazi samurai to fall and crush the poor nameless guard and his companion. The third guard stood silent, mouth agape.

"What the hell?" he asked. However, he didn't notice Cyclone grabbing one of the fallen guard's gun (which was conveniently not crushed by the elephant) and shooting him in the face.

That done, Cyclone looked around awkwardly for a moment.

"That was incredibly convenient," he muttered. Yeah, that whole 'as the plot demands' thing is still in effect here.

End Chapter 14

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:47 pm

Chapter 15: Human Sacrifice Solves All Problems

Soma ducked underneath the lasers being fired from the trunks of the Nazi heffalumps, before leaping on to the creature and scalping its samurai rider. Gbleek ran away, screaming like a little girl, his gun discarded after running out of ammo. Brad had resorted to bashing in samurai heads with the butt of his rifle, since he had also lost his ammunition.

"You'd think the plane would've been destroyed right now," muttered T_L as he avoided being blasted by an elephant laser.

"Why are the elephants shooting lasers?" asked Belbell, sniping away at a foe.

"BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME!" exclaimed Cajun, as he threw a grenade (yes, he has grenades) at the elephants. Unfortunately, one poor werepire was caught at the edge of the explosion and sent plummeting to the ground. "NOW SHUT UP AND STOP QUESTIONING THE AWESOME!"

Mega sat at the edge of the battle, humming a pleasant tune to herself as she watched her lackeys battle it out.

"Shouldn't you be helping?" asked Nathan's ghost, appearing near her.

"Holy crap on a stick, it's Nathan's ghost!" exclaimed our glorious leader, having never seen the spirit before.

"You should really be helping."

"Why? I have my lackeys to fight for me! Why should I participate in such a minor filler battle?"

"...Because dying for your country is a noble thing to do?"

"Silly Nathan," said Mega with a smile. "You don't win wars by dying for your country!"

"...What."

"You win wars by making the other guy die for his country!"

---

Meanwhile, Suri had gotten ahold of her bow (which she used in spite of the fact that there were perfectly serviceable guns in the area. I guess she's just stupid like that.) She sneaked back to the area where she had left Cyclone, only to hear the sound of gunfire. Observing the area, she saw that Cyclone was now trying to hold his ground against a dozen or so Nazi soldiers. He had taken cover behind a conveniently located chest-high wall and ducked under it, occasionally popping out to take a few potshots at the enemy. However, for every enemy he killed off, another one took his place. Which was getting very annoying.

"WHERE THE HELL DO THESE *(&%% REDSHIRTS KEEP COMING FROM?!" he yelled to no one in particular.

Suri, who was busy watching this interesting scene, did not notice the Nazi goon that was approaching her from behind until it was too late. She felt a very sudden pressure in her... lower regions, and immediately spun around and fired an arrow into each of the poor man's eyes. She followed this by an arrow to his... nether regions.

"THAT IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GROPING ME, YOU PERVERTED NAZI PIG DOG!" she yelled, as she fired a second arrow into his crotch, causing him to whimper in agony.

---

"This is getting really repetitive," said Belbell with a sigh, gunning down yet another Nazi samurai.

"Yeah, you'd think that German samurai riding laser-shooting, flying heffalumps would provide a little more challenge," said T_L.

"I think I have a plan to get rid of all of them," muttered Soma with an evil grin. She stalked away on her own, leaving the Megabuddies to watch as she prepared whatever it was she was going to do.

Exactly ten seconds later, she had prepared a large pentagram in the middle of the floor of the plane.

"How did you finish that so quickly?" asked Simian.

"I'm just awesome like that," said Soma dryly. "Now, we need a sacrifice to enter the pentagram..."

"I vote Gbleek," said T_L. Cajun and Simian nodded.

"Wait, what are you gonna do to him?" protested the ever goody-goody Zeldafan.

"Don't worry, we're only sacrificing him to a dark god who will take his soul and banish his spirit to a realm of never-ending pain and torment, the likes of which are so terrible that we can hardly comprehend with are limited minds, where he will suffer for all eternity," replied Soma, as she grabbed Gbleek and shoved him into the middle of the pentagram.

"Wait, wh–" Gbleek was cut off by the sudden explosion of a pillar of flame emanating from the arcane symbol, burning away his flesh.

"OH DEAR LORD, MY INTERNAL ORGANS!" exclaimed poor Cheeky Bleeky.

The Megabuddies stared in wonder at the flame. Cajun smiled widely as he realized that the Gbleek pestilence had been removed.

"You are my new best friend," he said, moving to Soma's side and putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Touch me and I will scalp you," she responded.

"I thought I was your best friend," muttered Simian sadly.

"I forgot to mention something," said Soma suddenly. "There may be some... side effects to everyone here..."

"Like what?" asked Belbell.

"Myrr, cky eyudw rdfe rntyb cd uybb mnck zydzry mkd enbcgfa knb brguayf," said Soma.

"I guess speaking in tongues is a side effect?" suggested T_L.

"Sucks to be Soma," commented Simian.

"Good news for cryptography fans, though."

"N'jy ayyw zdbbybbye av h eyudw!" exclaimed Soma.

ZF remained oddly silent. Which was only weird because Soma was apparently acting strangely, and everyone knew ZF was her very good "friend" (or something more). However, ZF was somewhat preoccupied staring at his chest. Which had grown substantially... bustier.

"ZF HAS BOOBIES!" exclaimed Cajun.

"...THE TROUSER TITAN HAS DISAPPEARED!" yelled an understandably distraught Zeldafan.

"...You call it the 'Trouser Titan'?" asked T_L, who was somewhat disturbed by that news.

"NOT THE POINT!" roared ZF.

"Huh... ZF makes a pretty cute girl," commented Belbell. Mega, Simian, and Nathan's ghost snickered.

"Vdg lhw'c gweyfbchwe uy, agc edw'c chrt hadgc cky rdjy ds uv rnsy ckhc mhv!" said Soma.

What followed was an awkward, pregnant silence.

"...So... Anyone want sushi?" asked Mega.

End Chapter 15

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:49 pm

Chapter 16: Food, Part 1

"ZF," said Cajun, staring at his recently feminized friend, who was doing something rather unusual (even for him). "ZF, that's kind of creepy."

"HuH?" responded ZF, peering down his/her shirt to look at his new glands.

"You'd think he'd be more worried that he's a girl now," said T_L.

"Oh, don't worry, T_L," replied ZF, looking away at his mammaries for a moment to reply. "I'm scared shitless. I'm just waiting for the shock to really set in."

"What."

"I predict it will be in exactly... 10... 9..."

"What's wrong with Zeldafan?" asked Simian. "This time, I mean."

"8.... 7..."

Cajun shrugged.

"I think it's kinda hot," commented Belbell.

"When did you grow a libido?" asked T_L.

"6.... 5....4..."

Soma said something incomprehensible that the author doesn't feel like writing down for use as a code or something.

"3...2...1....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" exclaimed ZF, as the realization that he was now female really set into his mind.

"SILENCE MY MINIONS!" exclaimed Mega. "We are arriving at our destination!"

"We have a destination?" asked a confused Cajun. "I thought we were just kind of flying around randomly until Nazis attacked us, and then we shot them."

"Well, I'm hungry, so WE'RE GOING TO FRANCE!" said the MB's glorious leader (and no, the author is not blatantly trying to suck up to prevent his banning).

"Why France?" asked Belbell.

"It's nearest. Also, I need an excuse to hurt a Frenchie."

---

An Hour Later, at a Fancy French Hotel

"How did we afford to stay at this place?" asked Cajun, looking around at the decadence of the French hotel.

"Remember when we saved Obama from assassins back in Venezuela? In addition to the McDonald's coupon we got, we also got a 'go anywhere you want and do anything for free without any repercussions' coupon," replied Mega. "It's the only reason we haven't gotten our asses sued yet. Like that incident in Mexico." Here, she glared pointedly at T_L.

"That was a complete accident and you can't prove it was me!" yelled T_L.

"Did that poor lady ever find her chihuahua?" asked Belbell.

"I DIDN'T KNOW THE TREE WOULD BITE BACK! And that little $&#@(@ deserved it."

"Shut up," said Mega. "Let us go feast at some snooty French restaurant, where we can find food and insult French people (and also possibly injure them for our own amusement).

"I'm in the mood for a hot burrito," complained Belbell.

"How can a burrito be sexy?" asked Nathan. "And how can I eat? I'm incorporeal!"

"Sucks to be you then, don't it?"

"SILENCE!" commanded Mega. "We shall all split up, and go to various eateries then! And we shall all return here within three hours. If you are not back in three hours, I will find you. And I will end you."

On that note, the Megabuddies went their separate ways.

---

ZF (who was still bitching about his lack of Trouser Titan that is not really a titan), Simian, and Cajun walked into a snooty-looking French restaurant. A waiter with a stupid-looking goatee came to their table to take their orders. At this, Simian and Cajun looked at each Zeldafan slyly and snickered.

"I'll have a pair of melons," said Simian.

"Two jugs of water, please," said Cajun.

"Do you have a rack of lambs?" asked both of them together. ZF glared.

"You're not funny."

"Oh, I wonder if they have any sausage!" said Cajun.

"We are all out of ze sausage," commented the waiter.

"JUST LIKE ZF!" exclaimed Simian, and he and Cajun doubled over with laughter.

"I hate you all and if I had my laser-Ragnell or my Holy Golf Club, you're asses would be dead," said a seething ZF.

"Well, too bad, cause your laser sword is gone and your Golf Club is with T_L!"

".....................I AM LEAVING!"

"What's with him... her... whatever?" asked Simian.

"I dunno. Maybe it's just that time of the month again."

---

Meanwhile, Mega, Brad, Laclipsey, Tom, Soma, and a few of the werepires entered a sushi restaurant. Whether there are actually any sushi places in France is debatable, but shut up, you didn't read this story to wonder about the availability of raw fish in France. You read it to laugh. Or you read it because you're bored, or you're a strange masochist of some sort, who enjoys causing himself pain by reading a rather boring, pointless story about random people, written by an author who seems to have an odd liking for self-deprecative humor, and I'm not really sure where this rant is going anymore, so I'll quit and let you get back to reading this, you strange person.

"Is this one of those sushi places where the chef does weird knife tricks in front of you?" asked Tom.

"Yeah," said Mega. "I always wanted to come into a place like this."

"Mqfv fv knieredh r ery fypr, tiuvfypnfuw icn dctz," said Soma.

Ten minutes later, their chef (who was American, in spite of the fact that they were in a cheap Japanese restaurant) was trying (and failing) to juggle a pair of knives. One blade thudded a few centimeters from Brad's head, while the other sliced Laclipsey's ear off.

"AAAAAAAAGH MY FREAKING EAR!" he yelled as he tried to stop the blood flow by applying pressure to the wound.

"Sorry! I'm still practicing!" apologized the chef, as he tried to throw the knives into the air again. Both knives embedded themselves in his skull, and he fell onto the table, where he began bleeding into a bowl of fried rice.

"HEY, SLAVE, STOP BLEEDING INTO MY FOOD!" yelled Mega at both the dying waiter and the still-bleeding Laclipsey. "I WILL BE COMPLAINING TO YOUR MANAGER ABOUT THIS, MORTAL!"

End Chapter 16

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:50 pm

Chapter 17: Interlude

Belbell and Nathan were currently in a Taco Bell. Yes, there are Taco Bells like that in France, so shut up. Belbell was currently munching on a hot burrito while Nathan stared at it in longing, because he was a dead pansy who couldn't eat anything. Suddenly, BB looked up from her food and turned her head to look out the window, her eyes focusing on something outside.

"What is it?" asked Nathan.

"My sex senses are tingling," responded the sniper, and indeed, ZF was walking right past the window.

"ZF!" screeched Belbell, leaping through the window (sending broken glass everywhere) to glomp/tackle/hug him. Or her.

However, watching this was Soma, who had left Mega and Brad to go track down her potential love interest. Upon seeing BB pinning ZF on the ground, she narrowed her eyes and growled, and ran to confront them.

Also approaching was a female werepire, who we'll call Bella for the sake of parody. She was walking with two other werepires, who shall henceforth be referred to as Jacob and Edward, so that we can make fun of a certain author and a certain set of very stupid books. Anyway, Bella was infatuated with our dear friend ZF, and therefore, upon seeing Belbell and Soma advance upon him, she was naturally rather angered, and charged towards them as well.

But we'll leave the catfight for the next chapter.

---

Cajun groaned and looked around. His head hurt. A lot. He noticed Simian unconscious nearby. Standing above Simian was a Russian woman in a white dress. No, I don't know her he knew the lady was Russian, just go with it dammit!

"Hello," said the woman. "My name is Natasha. You are my husband."

"Wha?" said a confused Cajun.

"This is your wedding present," said Natasha, pulling out a small cactus. The cactus had a sombrero for some reason, and also a mustache. And a mouth. Wait, what?

"'ELLO," said the cactus. "MAH NAHM IS MCPEDRO. I'M PRICKLEH, BUT AH CARE."

"Does that cactus have an Irish accent?" asked Cajun. But Natasha had disappeared. Suddenly, T_L was standing behind him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Cajun, who was very confused now.

"You're drunk," said T_L. "BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY FREAKIN' FLASK."

"What flask?"

"The one from your story, where I apparently have a secret drinking habit."

"What?"

"Never mind. The point is, you guys are wasted."

"Sweeeeeeeeeeeet," slurred Cajun. Behind him, Simian stirred.

"But I thought my flask only had some whisky in it. It shouldn't have made you this drunk," said T_L.

---

Three months ago

"Oooooh, a flask!" exclaimed Gbleek, picking up a small flask. Which was on the floor of T_L's room. Which he was trespassing in, the little $&#@(@. "I'm sure T_L won't mind if I pour in a little of my moonshine in here for safekeeping."

Two months ago

"I need to tell T_L I poured some vodka in his flask," said Belbell, looking inside the small bottle, which was still in T_L's room, because the Megabuddies are bunch of dirty trespassers who come into my freaking room.

Last week

"I should probably warn someone about all the 'stuff' I poured into this flask," said Simian. "But I'm sure that it'll result in hilarity later on, so I don't think I will.

---

Present Day

"Just for that flashback, I'm going to freaking kill BB and Simian," said T_L dryly.

Just in time, Simian woke up.

"HI T_L," he slurred. "I learned the meanin' of frien'ship!"

"...That's... great... Simian."

"T_L, are YOU mah friend?"

"You don't kiss your friends, do you Simian?" asked T_L, backing slowly away from the drunk person, who apparently became gay when he drank too much.

"Naw... I don't think Mega would like it."

"Mega is my new favorite person."

"You're mah new friend!" exclaimed Simian, advancing on T_L.

"I NEED AN ADULT!" yelled T_L as he ran away.

"Where's McPedro?" asked Cajun as his friends dashed away. He looked around for his new cactus friend.

---

Suri and Cyclone, meanwhile, were running as far away from the Nazi death camp as possible. How they had escaped, I'll leave up to you, but it's probably because the author was too lazy to include it at the moment. Anyway, they were running, with Nazi troops on their heels, forcing them to duck to the ground as bullets tried to embed themselves in their brains. Suddenly, Cyclone, who was in front of Suri somehow, tripped, causing her to fall as well. The troops surrounded them, pointing their guns at the pair.

Suddenly, they fell to the ground, dead. Turning around, Suri and Cyclone saw their savior, who was holding a machine gun.

"Hi guys," he said. "I'm MF."

"EPIC," said Cyclone. Suri looked at him and smacked him.

"What was that for?" complained Cyclone.

"For being stupid," she said as she walked away. MF and Cyclone looked at each other for a moment before looking back at Suri.

"What's with her?" asked MF.

Cyclone shrugged. "I dunno, but I think she has permanent PMS or something."

Suddenly, a rock hit Cyclone in the head, knocking him to the ground.

"I HEARD THAT!" yelled an enraged Asian girl.

---

Meanwhile, Geo and Rocky, with their tank and laser sword, were passing through the French border. Suddenly, they were surrounded by Nazi troops too.

"What the hell?" said Geo.

"That's just inconvenient timing by the author, who wishes to advance the plot of this story as quickly as possible," said Rocky wisely.

"I see."

"In other words, we're boned."

The Nazis opened fire, and bullets bounced off the side of the tank.

"Can't we just shoot them?" asked Rocky. "We're in a tank!"

"Out of ammo," said Geo grimly. He tried to drive the vehicle forward. "Also out of gas."

"Wow... Bad timing there."

"Yeah."

"Hey, is that the French outside?"

Geo pointed at a conveniently placed screen that displayed the outside of the tank. Indeed, the French army appeared to be coming to help.

"Awesome."

And then the Nazis opened fire on the Frenchies. They were slaughtered in such a pathetic manner that I cannot describe it. There were approximately two Frenchies left. and one person who was dressed in the same clothes as the guy in the Matrix (sunglasses and all).

"You know," said one of the French to the person in the Neo outfit, "Just because your name is Neo doesn't mean you need to rip off the Matrix. You can't even do bullet time and stuff."

"SHUT UP!" said the one known as Neotornado, who was trying (and failing) to shoot the Nazis with two pistols. "I AM **** EPIC!"

"Damn, these guys suck," said Rocky from his position inside the tank.

"We're screwed," agreed Geo.

End Chapter 17

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:51 pm

Chapter 18: It's About Freakin' Time!

The Megabuddies watched as the girls attacked each other, in an epic battle which... the author will let you imagine yourself, because this chapter is late as it is, and describing a battle royale like that would be time-consuming. In other words, the author is lazy, but SHUT UP.

"Wow," said Mega. "It feels like it's been three months since this whole catfight thing started."

"Yeah," said Brad. "It's almost like the author of our lives got lazy and hasn't written a chapter!"

"Well it would explain why it's suddenly Christmas even though it was September when this catfight started," commented ZF, who at the moment trying to escape the three warring girls who were desperately fighting for his attention.

"RIP HER TOP OFF!" yelled Tom suddenly.

Suddenly, all three girls (and Mega, for some reason) paused in their battle and turned to glare at Tom.

"Oh shi–"

Tom was interrupted when the females pounced upon him and beat him to a bloody pulp.

"Wait, why would Mega attack him?" asked Nathan, who hovered nearby.

"I think a better question would be 'why wouldn't Mega attack him?'," replied Mega.

---

Meanwhile, Cajun continued to hunt for his new friend McPedro.

“Where are you, new buddeh?” asked the very drunk Cajun to no one in particular, as he wandered into a conveniently placed movie theater. Inside, he saw McPedro ordering popcorn and harassing the poor, unfortunate snack lady. Cajun dashed towards the sentient cactus, who promptly walked away with a bucket of popcorn covered in some form of beer, leaving a disturbed-looking cashier lady.

“CAJUN, HELP!” yelled T_L, who suddenly burst into the theater, chased by Simian.

“Come back!” slurred Simian, who was still chasing him. “I just wanna be your friend!”

“Come back, McPedro!” shouted Cajun, who ran into after the cactus, followed by T_L and Simian. They dashed through a random door and found it filled with several people. Mostly people of the female persuasion, who were all staring intently at the movie screen. Closest to the screen was McPedro, who watched the film with bated breath.
“What movie is showing?” wondered Cajun instantly, being the resident film fanatic, as he too turned to look at the screen. Ten seconds later, he turned away, clutching his eyes and screaming. “OH DEAR GOD NO! MAKE IT STOP!”

“What the hell?” said T_L as he looked to the big screen as well. He had a similar reaction. “MY EYES! IT’S MAKING MY EYES BLEEEEEEEED!”

“What’s wrong you guys?” asked a still drunk Simian staring at the sight which had reduced his companions to whimpering children, desperately trying to claw their eyes out and rip off their ears.

Now you may be wondering what it is that drove T_L and Cajun insane like that. On the other hand, you probably already guessed. It’s pretty obvious.

“NOOOOO!” yelled McPedro. “EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!”

Yeah. See? The Twilight sequel. Told you it was obvious.

“This isn’t so bad, guys,” said Simian, as he watched, too drunk to understand that he was watching a Twilight film.

---

Meanwhile, Geo and Rocky were whimpering like cowardly little dogs in their tank, watching as Neo attempted to enter bullet time in order to fight off the Germans.. Attempted.

“Wow,” said Geo. “I didn’t know one person could fail so much.”

“Or lose that much blood,” added Rocky. 

Suddenly, an explosion from an incoming projectile rocked the tank.

“I think we should get out,” said Geo.

“How?”

“We can use the escape pod!”

“...Why did we wait till now to do that?”

“Shut up; the author needed to pull off a way for us to make our escape without being dead so we could appear later on as part of the main plot.”

“...Huh?”

“Nothing. Just get in the escape pod!”

Geo, Rocky, and Geo’s laser sword crammed into the aforementioned escape pod and blasted off into the sky. Of course, having everything go well for the heroes of the story is no fun, so suddenly, a German weapon blasted a Rocky-sized hole in the pod.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” yelled Rocky as another explosion knocked him down and out the conveniently sized breach.

“ROOOOOOOOOOOOOCCKKKKKY!” yelled Geo. He sank to his knees and faced the roof of the pod. “KKKKKKHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!”

---

Rocky awoke at the bottom of what appeared to be a gorge or crevice of some sort. There was no way out, because he was a rock, and therefore incapable of climbing. No arms and legs.

He heard something behind him and turned, eyes wide in fear. Out of the shadows stepped a familiar figure.

“Phil?” exclaimed the rock incredulously.

“Hello, mate!” said Phil the Platypus cheerfully, a jackhammer in his hands. Paws. Whatever.

“What are you doing with that?” asked Rocky, backing away slowly.

“Something that should have been done a long time ago.”

More animals came out of their hiding spots in the shadows or behind rocks.

“We’ve been watching you, Rocky,” said a raccoon with a drill. “Watching... and waiting for the right time to strike.”

A vampire bat flew down as well, with a hammer. They were joined by a frog, a mongoose, a wolf, a kangaroo mouse, a tamarin, a tarantula, a tasmanian devil, a nutria, and a crocodile, all of whom wielded a power tool of some sort.

“Wait a minute,” said Phil. “Where’s... what’s his name?... Jericho or something?”

“Coming,” said a jackalope, who randomly appeared from somewhere. “Sorry I’m late. I got lost.”

“How? You have the GPS thing with you!”

“The R.F.U.?” replied the jackalope, also known as Mega’s spirit animal. “It’s called the Ridiculously Failtacular Unit! It’s supposed to fail!”

“Whatever! We’re all here now,” said Phil. “Goodbye, Rocky!

And with that, the various spirit animals engaged in brutal gang stabbing and maiming of the poor rock, wounded to the point that if he coughed, he would very likely bust an artery.
When they were done with that, they then set about placing several sticks of dynamite around the area.

“Bye, Rocky!” said Phil cheerfully as the spirit animals walked away. The dynamite went off, sending an avalanche of rock and gravel down to bury Rocky.

Just before the rocks came down upon him, he had one last word upon his lips.

“...Rosebud.

End Chapter 18

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:55 pm

Short, stupid chapter that does nothing important plot-wise but set up the next chapter and it makes me want to burn things.

Chapter 19: Yay. Filler.

"Is it over?" asked Cajun, taking a brief moment to glance at the movie. Thankfully, it was now showing the credits. Specifically, it was saying "Based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer." The lights in the theater had also brightened as the movie ended.

"I think so," said T_L fearfully.

"Sparkly," said Simian with a stupid grin on his face. This riveting conversation was quickly interrupted by the delighted, shrill, tremulous screams of the fangirls in the theater. French fangirls. And McPedro.

"I am so ashamed of that cactus," said Cajun. as McPedro squealed.

"What cactus?" asked Simian.

"I think the cactus is drunk," remarked T_L. "I didn't cacti could get drunk. Or talk. Or move."

They stood in awkward silence for a few seconds. Or at least it was quiet if you don't count the fangirls who were either squealing or fighting each other over whether Jacob or Edward was better. Which we don't. Because they are not human. They are fangirls.

"Wait, why did the lights go out again?" asked T_L as the lights went out again. Just like he said. Shut up.

"Oh. Oh dear God. NOOOOOO!" shrieked Cajun. It was their worst nightmare. It had not just been one Twilight movie. It was two.

Both McPedro and Simian giggled for no apparent reason.

"Pretty colors!" exclaimed McPedro.

"He's a notorious moralistic cowboy haunted by an iconic dead American confidante," said Simian. "She's a disco-crazy Bolivian single mother who inherited a spooky stately manor from her late maiden aunt. They fight crime!"

"...What the ****?" said Cajun.

"Y'know, I could actually see that as a pretty good TV show," remarked T_L.

"...So could I."

"Frankly, that scares the ever-loving shit out of me."

"....The Twilight movie is still playing, isn't it?"

"Oh, right. Forgot about that."

They then resumed the screaming and clawing their eyes and ears out in a vain attempt to erase the sounds and images of [i]Twilight[i] from their brains. Suddenly, however, the film was interrupted (THANK GOD!) by the sudden arrival of what appeared to be an escape pod, which crashed through the roof and destroying the projector that was showing the film (along with several unfortunate fangirls who were crushed underneath like the horrible little ants that they were). The pod opened, and Geo's head popped out, surveying his surroundings, until he noticed, T_L, Cajun, and Simian.

"...Hi."

---

Meanwhile, somewhere far, far away. Somewhere in Germany. Which borders France and so isn't that far away. Shut up, ANYWAY, Suri, Neo, and MF were in a cattle car. Why are they in a cattle car? Because they were captured by Nazis.

"This sucks," complained Neo.

"You suck," replied both Suri and MF.

"At least they gave us Connect Four to pass the time," said MF, gesturing to the Connect Four board in the corner.

Next to the Connect Four set were two other captives, who were locked in an epic battle of wits.... Which ended approximately two minutes later.

"I had no idea Connect Four could end in a tie," remarked Stainless (also known as Stainy). His opponent, CuteCat, nodded.

"Where are we going?" asked Neo.

"Shut up," said... everyone else in the room. And some people who weren't. Like the author. And Chuck Norris.

And no one defies Chuck Norris.

End Chapter 19

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:03 pm

AWESOME CHAPTER.

NOT ANOTHER MOVIE D:

Connect 4!!! Kirby At least the nazis have SOME humanity... OMG LOLOLOL Cattlecar. :3 XD

STAINLESS AND CUTECAT!!! =D

Cool chapter. =3

Can't wait to see Nathan get raped by Heinrich again. :3

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:06 pm

Nice chapter. I'm drunk, McPedro is drunk, everyones happy.

TWO TWILIGHT MOVIES? THIS IS HELL!

Neo is getting owned by everyone (and Chuck Norris)
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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:18 pm

LOL Hooray for filler! XDXD

LULZ Connect Four tie refrence.

Lol, Chuck Norris FTW!
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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:56 pm

T_L, Stainless likes you story, he read the first 6 chapters before he took a break. OMG XD

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Tue Mar 02, 2010 4:41 pm

Hey T_L have I not commented or something? .-. I've read them all XDD

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PostSubject: Re: The MB vs. The Nazis   Fri May 14, 2010 7:36 pm

Wait, there is no ending?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

*Points gun at T_L's head*

WRITE!
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