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 my rlly long poem

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RoseBuddy
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PostSubject: my rlly long poem   Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:43 pm

tell me what u think of the first part of it


Tears

To the tear I cry
For sorrow
For happiness
For love.

To the tear I weep
So often,
So silent and unseen
From people
That they go on
Without a note.

To the tears I weep
In silence, hidden
From the world
As if it were
Of a disgrace
To society.

To the tear I scream
For they are unheard
On and on, no sound comes
To the air
That is thick around me,

To the tear unnoticed
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CuteCat
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PostSubject: Re: my rlly long poem   Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:53 pm

I don't think you should have "to the tear I weep" twice. Try replacing one of them with "sob" or "whine" or "yell"...

You also wrote "to the tears" by mistake in one, typo you may want to fix. Other than that, I don't know much about poems, so I can't say whether it's good or not.
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RoseBuddy
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PostSubject: Re: my rlly long poem   Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:48 pm

lol poems are supposed too have repettion

and here is the rest of the poem

So silent and warm
For I weep
So often
That it goes unnoticed
So much
Of the time

To the tears I whisper
To the ground
On the soft blanket
That is wrapped
On me I cry
So much

To the tears unheard
To the world
So it makes no noise
That is oh
So often
So silenced

To the tear I can’t cry
That I shake
So very much it
So hurts
To cry
For I cried everyday
At nothing

To the tears that I have cried
So I will not cry
That I have cried on and on I can cry
For nothing
For I can cry no more

To the tears I will not cry
For I have no more tears
That I have cried them all
Away to nothing more
Than a puddle

To the tears that lay on the ground
So wet
For the ground soaked up
As if it were
So very hungry
On and on it goes
To soak up my tears

To the tears that are no more
So much sound runs
Through my head
For when I cry
At nothing it is
So silent
In my mind if feels
So good to be silent

To the tears that help
So very helpful
That they make me
So happy
That I keep
On crying
Until I can cry no more

To the tears that are cried
So loud
That I cry
Behind a tree
For the tree brakes
So much
Of the sound it
For the wind makes it
So that I can hear
So much
That I don’t like

To the tears that are making me mad
For they cry
So much
That it hurts my body
So I keep crying
To soothe the pain

To the tears that soothes
For they refresh
So much
That they are welcome
To come
At any moment
To be soothing

To the tears that are so warm
That they are
So soft running
Down my face
So slow
That they fall even
That is so slow
It makes me smile

To the tears that make me smile
For they are
So beautiful
That people start crying
That is because they see
For my pain

To the tears that bring pain
That I weep harder
So it hurts
For I can’t stop

To the tears that won’t stop coming
For they fill my eyes
In love
In sorrow
In happiness

To the tears that will be cried
For it will come like rain
That fall
On the ground

To the tears that are wiped
Away from your face
For they make you mad
For they make your face wet

To the tears that are wet
For they are annoying
In this area
With people around

To the tears that are embarrassing
For people are watching you
With apologetic eyes
For they are wondering what is wrong

To the tears that are worrying
For they are seen to much
For they are apart of your life
Far to often in your eyes

To the tears that you cry far to often
For you worry
So much about nothing
For you wonder

To the tears of wonder
For they are dear
So much shimmer
That glints off the bubble

To the tears that are beautiful
For the shimmer is
So bright and happy
For you cry in joy

To the tears of joy
For you had a good day
That makes you giggle
So much that you cry

To the tears that make you giggle
For they are so wonderful
For they are glittery
That they sparkle

To the tears that sparkle
For the sun glints off them
In a beautiful way
That it makes you cry

To the tears that are beautiful yet they make you cry
For that reason you keep
On crying
So hard that you cry
In pain

To the tears that you love
For they are
So light and shimmer
That they are like works
Of art

To tears of art
That where hand crafted
From love
From sorrow
From happiness

To the tears that are you
For they were made by you
For they came
From you
That they exist
For you about you
For they are you
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Cajun Canine
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PostSubject: Re: my rlly long poem   Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:41 pm

Was this for school? =)

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RoseBuddy
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PostSubject: Re: my rlly long poem   Fri Feb 19, 2010 12:16 pm

the first part of the poem was then i kept adding more and then it became an addiciton lol and i still have to write more poems Sad
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my rlly long poem

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